Agony, Anguish and Breakdowns: Mourning the Loss…


ISDLogo
….

Date: May 28, 2007

Sometimes, it is so hard watching another boylover live the dream…because, it amplifies what is missing in you, and in your life.

You have joy for them, yes…but…suddenly, a close, deeply personal relationship, with someone you shared “everything” with, has been put on a back burner…There is no more time for you, when a new young friend enters the scene.

…There has always been something comforting, about having all of these kindred spirits around you…People who know exactly what it is you are going through…feeling…experiencing…

There is a sense of comfort, knowing that we are all in this together…and we stand together…we support each other…we get each other through.

Then, when one leaves…

…when one walks away, and starts living the life we were all meant to live…

…it really just hits you between the eyes, flooring you, like a speeding locomotive.

It comes out of nowhere, really…

You never thought about it before…You are better than this…You don’t envy people…You should be happy for them!…

It was as big of a shock to you, as you have ever had in your life…

Your dear friends good fortune, feels more like abandonment…

…What he/she had the strength to go out and get…you only have the feeble will to fantasize over…but, ultimately, you avoid it as if it were a plague.

What is wrong with “you”….Why cant “you” have this?…

…Why will this never happen to “me”?…

…and you agonize…like a would be mother, who can not bare children…because with every ounce of your being, you need this…but, you know you will never have it….

…and the void…that terrible, agonizing hole…You can not fill it…and it causes such anguish.

You mourn…

…you seriously break down…you cry…you go through extreme mood swings…lasting for days…weeks…

You bounce from seething rage, to sobbing heartbreak.

It is as though, that imaginary child who you know, love and cherish, but never was…has just died…and you mourn, just as real as any parent ever possibly could, over that child.

The pain is real…

…the pain is real…


….
In_Self_Defense_The_Midnight_Archives_SB_Archive

Tell Us What You Think...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.