Monthly Archives: October 2007

A New Beginning…A New Introduction (Narrated)…


In_Self_Defense
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Note: This was written for the EQ. Foundation archived version of “In Self Defense”. As such, it makes reference to the form of that website. There is no “next page” link to click on, on this current incarnation of “In Self Defense”.

Date: October 24, 2007

This selection from “In Self Defense: The Life and Times of An Atheist BoyLover…Memoirs and Ethos”, has been narrated by Rocco White. Please enjoy the listen, or read along if you like…or need to.
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On June 22nd, 2006, I started my very first blog…

This is how it all began…

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Thursday, June 22, 2006

A New Beginning…

It seems as though, life never beats you down so baddly,
that you absolutely can not take that next step.

…and, here I am, preparing to step forward, once more…

You don’t know me…but, you will…

posted by Steve Diamond at 12:48 PM

I initially wrote something, which I was going to append onto this statement, that would really explain, my personal reasons for doing this work…

…something that would make people understand, “this guy has a need, which transcends all of our petty differences”…”this guy has valid points and substance”…

…Even if we do not agree upon some things…many of us have paid far more, than a high enough price…and we have paid for the right to speak and express ourselves to the public.

If accusations and threats of dire consequence are made against another…that person has every right, to speak on their own behalf, in their own defense. They have every right to explain themselves, and fight to justify their existence.

They have not only a right…but an absolute need, for a voice which is not only heard…but understood, as well…

To sentence a person to such a fate, as so many “western” cultures have done to “the pedophile”…and then refuse this most basic of human rights, is nothing short of wicked…

…It is a blight, upon these cultures and their constitutions.

…It is a human rights violation…

I have returned…to once more reclaim my right to self expression, and self defense…

The other essay I wrote for this page, which evolved into something a bit different from what I had intended to place here…You will find this new piece on the next page, by clicking on the “Next Page” link.

…I’d like to get a bit away from the more “activist” type writing, and just tell you about a few things…

I go by the name, “Steve Diamond”…and have been best known, by an off shoot of this name, “Steve-D”.

I am a pedosexual boylover…which means, that I am a homosexual, and I am naturally attracted to boys, typically before they have hit, or passed through, puberty. As I age, I am finding some older teenagers, to be very attractive, as well…but, I am a pedosexual, at my foundation.

I understand and approach the word “pedophile”, based upon the original meanings, of the ancient words it was created from…”pedo”…”child”…”phile”…”lover”…

…A “pedophile” is a “child lover”…some one who is naturally inclined and driven, to love children.

The word implies nothing more, and nothing less, about any individual it is directed at.

…and the reality of “pedophiles”, only solidifies this…because we are very, very diverse, in every way.

I find a sense of pride, well being and constructive meaning, in my sexual orientation.

Obviously…I am an outcast, and find myself at odds with society, in many ways.

Even though this has taken a toll…I’ve always tried to rise above it, and put a positive, up beat face onto things.

…In fact, this project is really the first time, for me…where I merely let lose, and let you have a heaping mouthful of everything…

…the up beat and happy…along side the dark and seethingly pissed off…

This blog, was a roller coaster, by design…You were intended to see the whole picture, and come along to experience, what living in a hostile culture like this, does to a human being.

You were supposed to discover, what it is like being a scapegoat…and what it is like, being reduced in the public eye, down to being a one dimensional stereotype…of the most dishonest, indefensible, abysmal and stupid nature.

…I simply provided you with my true life stories…concepts, principles and observations in my mind…the way I think, reason and arrive at conclusions…how I really have lived my own life…

…I talked to a good extent, about the many misconceptions with “pedophiles” and “pedophilia”, which the lesser informed around us, cling to and propagate.

I never tried to make “pedophilia” look saintly…or right for everybody…I never tried to hide, or run away from the various issues and conflicts that can arise in “pedophilic” relationships…

…I merely explained and presented it…as a typical, human to human relationship…as it has been, all through out the history of our species…many cultures have understood and embraced this, in the very same way that I do.

…and it angered some people, that I would stand up and proclaim “pedophilia” to be normal…neutral, in and of itself…in many cases, good even…

If we look into our own history…we will see, that this is indisputably true, however.

It deserves saying, that the people who were angered, and who went on the attack, are anything but objective…and they harbor many deep seeded, personal problems of their own. I turned into more of a target, for their personal anger and wrath.

They managed to get this, and several other unrelated blogs of mine, deleted…most of them removed, not based on any content, but because I had personally been targeted…and it did not matter, what nature of blog I owned.

…So…as promised…I gathered up everything, and I left that “service”…

…and now, I am rebuilding here…

Personally…I mean, you can call me an idealist, or a hopeless romantic of sorts, if you like…but I stubbornly hold onto the knowledge, that there IS something…many things, that are redeeming, good and beneficial…about the pedosexual…about childhood sexuality…about adults who would love a child, in a gentle, sexual way…

I believe, physical intimacy is needed for our survival…and pedosexuals play a critical role in nature, by introducing and nurturing children into this world of sexually expressed love.

…by making them feel good, positive and confident, about their own bodies and sexuality…by making them comfortable to love others.

Today, with all of this culturally imposed, sexual repression…all of this “private space”…and “no touch zones”…We have isolated ourselves so badly, because of this panic over cultural sex phobia, that we have become a culture which has forgotten how to be gentle, intimate and loving…we have started to fear and run away from touch…and our kids are becoming unimaginably hostile…not knowing how to care and show love for others…They fear it, because it is alien to them…because we have failed to teach it and pass it along to them.

Isolation, has led us to a fractured society…where everybody thinks they are alone…and falls into panic, when they see no support system, and don’t know how to deal with problems facing them…

Now, more than ever…we need the pedosexual to return to public life…Our children need a close someone to be there for them, who is experienced and who they can count on.

The stigma which child sexuality (something which allegedly does not exist, according to some, special interest groups), and “pedophilia” carry with them…has never been born from the circumstances themselves…

…these stigmas have only been, how cultures have decided to pigeonhole, and push aside, something which it believes to be no longer useful.

I reject the concept, that pedosexuality will ever be, “no longer useful”…so long as pedos (children) still exist.

Of course, I am completely opposed to the intentional cause of suffering, regardless of who is the victim. I am against violence, and forcing the unwilling. I am in staunch support of personal responsibility, and transparent accountability.

I am a humanist…and a human rights activist…someone who does not wish to see suffering continue to be propagated upon others.

I am an atheist…a war veteran…a disabled vet, with a chronic illness I’ve lived with, for nearly half of my life…

Life is complex…and I have done enough personal struggling, and personal suffering, to understand and empathise with others…to know that compassion is what we need most, today, in this world.

This blog, is one of my exercises…one of my pleas…that people might find some human decency within themselves, and work to make this world a better place for everyone, who has to live here…

…At the very least, we can stop viciously attacking each other, and learn to understand those who are different.

We CAN make this world a better, and safer, place for everyone…if we just care enough to do so.

As you read through this work…you will see that…obviously…I care…

…I would never be exposing myself, and talking about such deeply personal things, if I did not.

…and look at this…I’m once again turning this into what could be a couple of different “pages” in this “book”…

Let’s take one last change of course, here…

…I will just say…This former blog, is what I have referred many times to, as “my personal book”…

…it is that “one book which everyone has within them”, but most people never set down to write.

Having started out as a blog, I’ve got many posts to sift through…pick and choose, what should stay and what should go (away entirely, or be sent elsewhere). The overwhelming bulk will survive, but there is no doubt, that some posts (the intermissions, for those who remember my blog) wont really have much use here, in this format.

…I’m unsure, as to whether I wish to leave my “category system” out, or bring it along with the change, as well…

Most of the blog will remain intact, however. All of the important pieces, will make their return…

…Some, might be reassigned, to other projects, though…

I do intend on infusing fresh content, wherever I wish, however…so, just as you have been reading all of the new stuff on “this” page, which did not exist on any of my previous blogs or web pages…I will be adding new comments and introductions, to set the stage or clarify, where I feel it is most appropriate…I will also inject brand new essays and content, wherever I choose to…so, reading this book, will not be the exact same experience, as reading my previous blog.

…So…as was said above…life can beat me down…but it cant keep me down…

I am rising to the occasion, yet again…and I hope you will accompany me, on this journey…

Thank you, so much, for reading…

All the best to you, and yours…
Steve Diamond


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In_Self_Defense_The_Midnight_Archives_SB_Archive

About the Author (Narrated)…


In_Self_Defense
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Date: October 23, 2007

This selection from “In Self Defense: The Life and Times of An Atheist BoyLover…Memoirs and Ethos”, has been narrated by Rocco White. Please enjoy the listen, or read along if you like…or need to.
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In the summer of 1998, Steve Diamond (better known as “Steve-D”) arrived in the online, boylove scene.

Quickly taking to the existing community, which resided at a web chat board named “BoyChat”, Steve spent several years writing and contributing, as a supportive member of that community.

Steve branched off into his own projects, including such web sites as, “Steve-D’s Midnight Zone” and “The Midnight Archives”. Several other, personal projects existed (some remain online, till this day), as well.

He also branched off into different types of writing. One earlier phase, found him writing several erotic stories, some of which were featured at a well known, online, “alternative” website that archives written erotica.

In 2001, Steve was invited to join the BoyChat admin, as a moderator, also known as a “Cog”. He remained in this post, and served in a few others, over the following two to three years.

During this time, he also served as an admin member, on a discussion board named, “Close Encounters” (the offshoot of this board, would become known as “Crossroads”, or “The Crossroads Debate Forum”).

For a brief period, Steve was appointed to the position, of “assistant BoyChat webmaster”, which was a newly created, and undefined position at that time. In short, he was the back up person, to step in and be a public figurehead, when the current, serving webmaster was unavailable. Having been in a transition phase, the new, “webmaster” position, would not evolve into what it is today, until a few years after Steve’s departure.

Steve also served for the period of about one year, as a volunteer at the live, community chat room, “Lifeline”. This is a place for people to come, to give and receive moral support. It is a place, where those in crisis can turn to.

After this point, with burn out plaguing him, Steve retired from the public eye, and took several months away, disassociating himself with the troubles and stress of the pro child love cause.

On June 22nd, 2006, Steve returned to active status on the internet, with an entirely new project, which would be much deeper and personal, than anything he had done in the past. This was his first blog entitled, “In Self Defense…The Life and Times of an Atheist Boylover…”. Steve would continue to write solidly and consistently, for nearly a year, on this and several other blogs.

In early 2007, acting upon an old idea, Steve created “The EQ. Foundation”. The charter for this resource, was to collect, preserve, archive and make available, “alternative” viewpoints, which are commonly stereotyped, stigmatized and refused a voice in the larger culture. It was Steve’s firm belief, that taboos and stigmas were only working to harm social unity and public safety, at grave consequence to many, and that it was time to break the deafening silence.

Steve continues to write, today, and has been expanding into other areas.

This book, is a simple return to the basics, on his own terms.


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In_Self_Defense_The_Midnight_Archives_SB_Archive

A Forward (Narrated)…

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Date: October 22, 2007

This selection from “In Self Defense: The Life and Times of An Atheist BoyLover…Memoirs and Ethos”, has been narrated by Rocco White. Please enjoy the listen, or read along if you like…or need to.


What is a pedophile?…

What is an atheist?…

…a humanist?…a boylover?…

Are they the typical stereotype you see on the news, read about in the papers and see on the movie screens?

Hello, I’m Steve Diamond.

In June of 2006, I began a personal project which I entitled, “In Self Defense…The life and times of an atheist boylover”.

My intention was simple…

…to provide a refreshingly clear look into the mind and heart of an actual pedophile, atheist and humanist.

…Clearing away the stereotypes, and banishing the stigmas, this work in progress aims to paint a picture of one man…a pedophile…an atheist…a boylover…an outcast…as he actually is.

The reader is left to experience, and come to terms with, what is presented here in.

These are “snap shots” of my life…of my ethics…my joys…my fears…my heartbreaks and anguish…my triumphs…of the way I relate to, and survive in, a hostile environment.

Much of this material is raw and full of emotion…and while I do refrain from using “vulgar language” most of the time, this is not always the case…Some issues call for such evocative words.

…You will experience the emotion and genuine care, flood through many of these passages.

There is no “road map” here…and since this project started out as a blog, that lended itself well towards allowing me to simply choose and expand on issues, as I felt prepared to talk about them.

Some parts are very short…others are very long…They include ethical concepts and definitions which are important to me…They are what I base my ethical codes upon, and influence how I live my life…Also included, are true stories from my own life…and glimpses into my life’s journey…and, of course, there are many passages, delving directly into issues of social conflict, which effect myself, as a pedophile and an atheist.

Presented is an outlook and a vision, as only some one of my particular set of circumstances and life experiences can express.

These works were never intended to attack anyone, in specific…though, several do attack certain types of behavior.

Portions of this work have been called, “thought provoking”, and “powerful”.

I hope you can find it within yourself, to approach this project with an open and clear mind…in order to discover, just why they have been called such.

I am not a stereotype…I am not a monster…I don’t want to hurt even one single child…

…I am a human being…I am a child lover…

Thank you for your interest…All thoughtful, respectful feedback is welcome.


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The Dedication…


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Date: October 22, 2007

When I think back across the years, certain names come to mind…

…names like, FatherGoose and boybuddy…

…names like, Enchidna and Mr. Sanders…

…names like, Bucky and Buffalo47…

…names like, Gandolfgrey and Big Daddy…

…names like, Weyland and Goodguy…

…names like, D.Y. and Varkilo…

…names like, Little Bro and Tyler P…

…names like, Innocent Child and Shinji Chan…

…names like, Cactus and Beachguy…

…names like, Eagle and midnite…

…names like, Jux and DK….

…names like, Johny Fever and JeffAB…

…names like, jm and Cub Cuddler…

…names like, Joel17 and Gort…

I could go on and on…and, indeed…I’ve made a mistake in even starting to list names at all…

…in that there is no way I will remember, every name chosen, by every fellow boylover, who has ever been important to me…or at least just been a really cool someone, who I liked “being around”.

Some of the people named above (and a few others), have been friends to me in ways, and at a personal level, I am not sure even they are aware of.

My friends…my inner circle, has selflessly given me so much, over the years…making me happy to be alive, and wanting to continue living. The strength, joy and friendship I was allowed to partake in from these bonds, is something I will hold onto dearly, until the day I die.

Some of you listened to my complaining and moaning, over and over about personal things which I would never speak of, openly on the boards where others could read them…when you never had to…

…You are my family…

The unprecedented acceptance and support you have shown me, is something which has changed my life…

…I thank each and every single one of you, who played a role in my journey, through this world of the boylover…

…and I dedicate what is my largest…most profound…and most personal project, to you…


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Video Games, Kids, Sex and Censorship…


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Date: October 15, 2007

Thousands of years of history in the existence of the human species, and thus far, kids learning about (and even having) sex, has failed to cause our species to come crashing down into extinction. In fact, despite a wide range of different approaches (cultural and time evolving over time eras), the combination of the topics of “kids” and “sex”, has had no ill consequence. Indeed, when kids learn about it, and become empowered by their knowledge, they are better able to navigate this part of their life.

Back when I was a very young teen, we had the commodore 64. Crappy graphics by today’s standards, but let me tell you, that was the golden age of video games. Because, it was the untamed universe, where games dealt with everything, including bold faced, “trashy” sex. I didn’t much care about these types (sex) of games, personally, but I loved that there was no censorship in this market. It was a freedom that did not exist elsewhere.

In AmeriKKKa, it has become a crime to conceptualize things which powerful groups don’t want being thought of, or about.

The pop psychologists say, “Don’t let any clue of sex befall your kids, or they will wilt and die!”, figuratively of course.

There is this general notion, that something as biologically natural as sex, is “devastating” to people, who have not attained the legal age of consent.

After decades of being told this, parents largely panic at the thought, that their kids might ever learn about what sex is, or what certain body parts are for, or the things that can be done with those parts.

Ultimately, this spelt disaster for the video game world, as self appointed elements from amongst the panicked, decided to start rating video games (like movies) and a form of censorship was imposed upon the video game market and all of its’ consumers.

Sure, yes, some “mature” games do get created and marketed, but, fewer and fewer dare to make the gamble. Some politicians are even treating game creators like criminals, over stupid, trivial nonsense (ie: “hot coffee”).

There is this notion, that video games are a “kids market”, and now there’s this notion of how dumbed down, and fluffy games must be made in order to be suitable for a “kids” consumption. So, today the video game market honestly feels like a barren, uncreative wasteland of garbage. Lots of stuff, where you almost feel embarrassed to even buy it, much less play it. The plots are so ridiculous and immature, in many games.

Some of us are starving to go back to the days of our own childhood, and relive the time when real stories were experienced, with truly raw and innovative plot lines.

The thing that disgusts me (and I could name specific examples), is those games which should have been more, which should have had the savage atmosphere, but the game designers held back because they couldn’t afford to risk all their work on a diminished market, because if they made their game what it should have been it would have gotten a “mature” rating.

It all comes back down to this insane phobia of sex, which special interests in AmeriKKKa are forcing upon everybody else.

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