I arrived at work the other day…


Date: June 21, 2009

…to be greeted by a small gaggle of, nearly naked, boys…of the seven to eight year range (exactly within my ideology, of “the boy pinnacle”, and a highly favored phase)…They were waiting, specifically, for me, because…well, I am the BL there, after all.

One of these boys is new, I am very interested in…and, naturally, this was a first for me, with regards to him (Yes, though I did not allow myself to pause and look directly, he is wonderful).

Ten years ago, this simple interaction would have had me floating on a cloud, all day.

At this point in my life, it brightened my day, but I did not get a rush out of it…and, I had to go about my business, which required sending them off (presumably to one of their homes).

Though, I’d love for this to happen far more often (there are some truly beautiful boys around here), it’s a sign of how “I” have changed over the years, as result of being forcefully inundated, with a world saturated by human interaction (most of which I do not want)…

Well…I do have a biological condition, which is worsening and playing a role in this, also…but, I’m excruciatingly tired of the overexposure, to other humans. When I am not at work, I do not like to be around other people…and, hell…I don’t like being around people at work (where it is forced), either…not anymore…I used too…

It is paradoxical, but you do lose that “rush”, and the novelty of it all…especially when you cannot get away from it, not even for the sake of your own sanity.

I miss those days, back before life became such a drudge.

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