Monthly Archives: June 2010

Fly On The Horizon…

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Date: June 25, 2010

Let’s release a bit of music, and make the world a nicer place, shall we?…

I’ve titled this one, “Fly On The Horizon”.

…”Fly”, as in flying…not the insect kind!

Before anyone heaps to much praise [if you’re inclined to do so], I should probably say, this is mostly a “frankensteined” piece, made out of samples that other people recorded…

A smidgen of it is mine [totally unique!], however…and, I mixed it all, of course…

I’m fairly pleased with this.

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Oh, I don’t think ill of Mexico…


Date: June 21, 2010

[This is another response to the “living on social security, in another country” thread, which you may have already read…but, I thought was a worthwhile addition, here. This issue, really is something that has been on my mind, for years. I want to become an ex-patriot, at some point in my life…Living in the U.S.A., is not all it’s cracked up to be.]

I just think, there’s a lot of stereotypical stigma, surrounding the country, over situations like gangs, drugs, etc.

Obviously [or I hope so], if I didn’t personally think it safe enough, I would not entertain the idea [of living there] at all.

It’s others who I’ve shared these thoughts with, who don’t like it.

In short…I want to stop working, at some point in time…and before I fall over dead…I’d like to actually enjoy life, and have the free time to really do some things, I want/need to do.

This is really, just about the only legal option I can imagine taking place, that would give me this.

In the last five years, things have gotten so much more complicated…sustaining a nasty, spinal cord injury, which completely knocked the shit out of me…I’ve never been the same, or bounced back, since [I don’t really “walk” anymore, so much as lurch]…The levels and intensity of chronic pain since then [of which, I’ve spent to much of my life living in], are such that I never wanted to know this kind of pain even existed…Living in chronic, severe pain for weeks, even months, on end…it changes you, psychologically.

I’ve been living with screwy conditions, for just about half of my life, now [so long, it’s really driven me through some personal breaking points, because I am just sick of it, and how it limits me]…and now, I’m developing another hereditary condition, to boot…diabetes…This is hell…It’s the only real collection of things I’ve experienced, that can properly be called hell.

If I were a horse, they’d have taken me out into a pasture, and shot me by now…

Forgive me for all this blathering…but, these past few years have just been terrible, on a personal, financial, career, survival…whatever, basis.

More days than not, I just find myself wanting to lay down and die…wherever it is I am presently standing.

Consequently, I’m thinking much more deeply, over my options of possibly getting my current military disability rating greatly increased [which wont be easy, short of developing a serious, diagnosable , service related illness]…or looking into what social security benefits I may qualify for.

…and I’m also thinking, this wont add up to a lot of money.

…Which, of course, brings us back around to the best options, where the money will last the longest.

I love authentic Mexican food, by the way…even though it is terrible, for diabetics…

I’ve lost one of my great pleasures in life…eating wonderful foods [I was addicted to Italian, and Oriental, also]…This is hell…

…and some people say, “life only gets better”…

I need some option, to escape into.

This is what scares me…


Date: June 21, 2010

The issue being discussed here, is U.S. citizens taking their social security retirement checks, and living a good life in another country, where the currency exchange is heavily in favor of the U.S. dollar…

01) BC Thread Starter

02) In direct response to this

I had a general idea, of slipping across the boarder…maybe into Mexico [some place, where it would be quick and easy enough to get back into the U.S., when needed]…and setting up something like this…and, maybe, in ten years or so, washing my hands of “having to” work a job…[an endeavor, which has already put me through at least one, mental melt down, and robbed me of my psychological stability…I’m ready to be done with this bull shit…I passed my threshold to cope, with endless stress and being grossly exploited, years ago]…

Terrorism [ie: kidnappings] being what they are these days, some of my family thought it was a horrible idea.

I simply don’t see many other viable options, though…other than staying here, and dropping dead on the job, from a heart attack or something…

At this point, according to the records I’ve been sent…I should be over half way there [to a $1,200 social security check], by now…I’d get somewhere around half of that, if I became permanently disabled today and unable to work, anyway…which is nothing, but a starvation allowance, around here.

The thing which really concerns me, though…is getting settled down somewhere, and then having the financial bottom fall out, from underneath me.

If the U.S. dollar collapses [or should I just say “when”?], then it may be worth less, than the currency of the country I choose to live in.

This would be a complete disaster.

…I’m just really getting sick to death, of watching these options being pissed away…at the hands of the people, who don’t even need them, and at the detriment of those people who do.

He was largely misunderstood…


Date: June 21, 2010

01) It has been almost a year

A few years back, shortly after Ghostwriter got locked up in Mexico…I happened across a good, online, BL friend [who goes way back, with me].

He knew Ghostwriter, on a face to face basis…and explained something to me about him, which in retrospect…considering various signs over the years, should have been no surprise at all…

Ghostwriter, while functional at living and at online activity, had a substantial learning disability…which made him prone towards…well…doing unwise things, especially when influenced by others…which might explain, why he ended up in a Mexican prison.

I don’t know, if this was serious enough to call “mental retardation”, or not…but, for years, I did have an unspoken suspicion, whenever I saw some of his personal, sig-pics.

It made me feel all the more badly about his case, because so many people did keep their distance from him…because of his dangerous behaviors…[yes, I received the infamous e-mails from him also, when I first started posting on BC…So, I understand the depth of the issue].

It’s hard to say, what to do about situations like his.

His heart was pure gold…but his ability to deeply contemplate consequences, just was not there.

Despite these shortcomings…I will remember him fondly.

It’s a little known fact…


Date: June 21, 2010

…that a lot of foreigners who live in “U.S. Territories”, actually have the legal right, to live and work inside the U.S…and many of them [especially from the poverty stricken countries] do so, specifically to sign up for U.S. social security benefits…work 15 to twenty years…and then head back home, to live a comfortable life…on what, essentially, is still a small income.

A lot of U.S. social security funds go outside of our borders, because of this.

I became privy to this trend, after coming to know various couples [and communities of couples], which are sort of the “mail order bride” type…

…Where they get connected, by some established network…and correspond by letters for several months, till they decide to get married…

A lot of Philippine women do this…and they often hook up, with older, U.S. men…Once he kicks the bucket, they get his wealth…plus, they get their social security check, when they reach legal age…even if they only work a crappy, dead end job.

What a lot of people don’t know…is that in countries like that, this is actually an intentional career move…It is what a lot of them do, and how they become financially set.

I’m not implying this is wrong, or anything…They pay in, like everybody else…I’m just saying, a lot more people are signed into this system, than one might initially presume…and some of the people, in the countries you might want to move to…they have the exact same idea, with a little bit of a spin.

Sad thing…


Date: June 21, 2010

01) Responding to this post

Sad thing…

…is that they may “have to” print quadrillion dollar bills [as a replacement for ten dollar bills?], if this all keeps going as it is.

Believe me, Prometheus…I agree…

It has really infuriated me, how everybody who had a clue in the population, knew there has been something really rotten to the core, going on and leading us into this decade long [or longer?] state of financial wasting away…

…nobody would say a fucking thing about it…except the people, who were losing everything, slowly but surely…

The U.S. politicians?…The only thing coming out of their mouths, was the dicks of the wealthy big wigs, who they’ve been sucking on.

Not a single peep, while things have been absolutely horrendous, for the past four to five years…I was at my own wits end, just begging these worthless shills, to admit that something was wrong, at all.

…Then, finally, they dropped the “banking crisis” on us.

It’s hard to say what sensation I was experiencing, in that moment…because they’ve consistently refused, to acknowledge the real issues, at the core of this breakdown…but, they finally made some type of acknowledgement, that something is terribly wrong.

Admittedly, this is not so much improvement…as we’ve merely morphed into another state of political silence.

…I loathe both politics and politicians…

Life experience has taught me, that both are overwhelmingly wretched…and there is usually something rotten [and even sociopath], about those who seek such a career path.

I’m going to be doing something…


Date: June 20, 2010

I’ve decided, since it is both nicer and easier to do things by blog [in most regards], I am going to move the archives of my other blogs here. They will, essentially, live as “sub-blogs”, within the realm of “Our Love Frontier”.

You’ll once again be able to read “In Self Defense: The Life and Times of an Atheist BoyLover”…and leave comments.

I intend on bringing back “The Expressions Forum”, and “Project C.E.L.I.B.A.T.E.”…and maybe a few other projects, though the later might end up just being archived…It was, largely, a depressing endeavor, after all…There were still a few gems in there, which I’ve been meaning to retrieve, and re-post.

I hope people will find this useful, worthwhile and interesting.

I Honestly Do Understand…


Date: June 15, 2010

01) a matter of record

Everybody who really “had it”, wants it back. There is no doubt, in this truth.

The problem, as I see it…is that in motivation for “rekindling the magic”, people pop in here for brief spells, to talk about how good it used to be…and complain about how bad it’s become.

There is no return of the community…The heart of what we had, is missing, because to few people who were part of it, seem committed to returning and “taking back” the board[s].

Maybe, we were naive…and years, upon years…have stripped away layers of insulation…or any sense of security…and we don’t have the luxury to be naive, anymore?

Maybe, in that naivety…we could form this beautiful world, where we could let our guard down…and actually be ourselves?…and this, is what made BoyChat in it’s “golden age”, possible?

I think, though the rules have changed somewhat…we can still be human, towards each other…but, so many of us are burned…some multiple times…and in a variety of ways.

I don’t really post, quite like I used to…and I’ve changed, tremendously, over the past several years.

As largely a personal tragedy…the Steve-D who authored and posted “BC Nursery Rhymes”, or the “A BC Story” series, of years past…overwhelmingly does not exist anymore…I even tried to write a fourth installment of the latter…consisting of two, different false starts…I was to disconnected, to pull it off in any coherent way.

I used to really love my friends here, and think of them as family…to some degree…and I still do…but, they are not so much “here”, anymore…

That is sad, and depressing…but, BC is still here…and I will roll with it, as an old and comforting friend…no matter what other shit is going on, here.

It’s like I was saying, some time back…It makes me, personally, feel better…to be able to come here and post…

…and, yes…maybe, I do selectively choose, what kind of posts measure up to my standards, when considering which ones most deserve my time…and maybe I do ignore, a lot of things which are not pretty.

…but, largely, my posting style and focus, have remained the same…even to the extent of effort [two to five posts, a visit]…Maybe, I’m not as good at giving personalized greetings, anymore…and, maybe I’m not as personally warm, as I was when I was “brand new, out of the box”…

…but, I still do my thing…maybe not as much as some would like [and maybe, more than some others do like]…and I wish, people would stop complaining about “how it should be”…instead, channeling their energy into “doing their thing”, here.

I really feel, that a lot of the people who are allowing themselves to devolve into these flame wars, are just people that are really frustrated…that we no longer have something, which remains so deeply important to us.

They are left adrift…because the hopes, promises and support, has vanished…

I was once told by a dear, BL friend…that “[me being who I am, in the community, I] will never have to worry, about having a place to live”…

That good dear friend, is in a prison cell, today…and I may never have contact with him, again…

…The sentiments meant a lot to me [especially given my life circumstances]…yet, a handful of years later, and there is no support structure in place, to deliver any such thing for me…[Maybe, a lot of people just figured, someone like “me”, would never need it…I seem like someone, with “all their shit together”]…

I’ve had general hopes, in the past…of maybe, relocating to one of the “BL hot spots”…and maybe getting a place, with one of my better friends…maybe, even someone I adored, loved and trusted…

Bitter reality is, I’ve abandoned these kinds of hopes…

I was, once, offered something…a very special, personal kind of relationship…with a sweet, very well loved BoyChatter…In retrospect, I was probably a fool to decline…and who knows, where it would have gone?…Maybe, I would be in a better place, today…

…Maybe, BoyChat, and the community here…it has not all been here, to save me, in that way…

…Maybe, it was here to “save me”, in the sense of allowing me to pour myself into it…take my mind off of how shitty life is…become a part of something bigger than just myself…and reinvent myself, into something better, than what I typically “just am”…

In more recent times, I’ve become aware of fall-outs, between dear friends…people I’d have never guessed…People I thought were really, a dedicated, social structure for each other…

“I” have failed to stay in touch, with people I care about deeply…perhaps, when they needed my support [and my own problems, are really no excuse]…I hope they don’t hate me for this…I hope they never think, that anything I’ve ever felt for them, or thought about them…has ever wavered…I’ve shed tears, over some of these people, more than once. It’s weighed extremely heavy on me.

I don’t know how, to get back to a place…where I am open to that kind of relationship, again…and I don’t even know that I want, to go through all of that again, with a new bunch of people…

There is still no way, in any circumstances…that I would throw away, what I’ve had here…I will carry a number of people with me, until the day I die…because of this resource.

It is painful they are gone…I would welcome their return…but, either way, I have had a much better life, because of them…and I love them.

I want them to always know that.

If anyone is interested, in bringing these kinds of things back to the table…I am all for it.

…”I”, am an evolved animal…I don’t know what my future holds…Every time I resurface here, is another personal triumph…It means, the bottom of my own world, has not yet fallen out…and I am nobody, to base any re-birth of BoyChat upon.

I’m a lingering BC ghost, who does not mind company…and I’ll always love seeing my friends, here…

…but, it’s people with energy and vision, who need to step forward, and lead in a new age for BoyChat.

When they show up…I’ll act as a supporting cast…as always…

…unless I’m dead…or something…

Children in Hate Cults…


Date: June 15, 2010

01) white supremacist – ultra-cute kid

Never Understood…

…what is so “terrible”, or “undesirable”, about being of mixed race blood…

It’s the only life I’ve known, and I don’t see where it makes me any less [or more]…anything, really.

Granted, I’m one of those mixes which people rarely talk about, because it is so common [white and N.A. Indian]…By law, I could choose either option, when identifying myself on applications, forms, records, identifications, etc…Allegedly, I could even take up residence on a reservation, but I’ve never investigated that to deeply.

Some people [who know what physical traits to look for], do recognize the Native American in me…but, I’ve got a fair bit of German and British blood, to offset making things “to easy” to tell.

I’ve never actually identified with any specific race, though…

…I mean, I used to presume I was just white, by default, even when I mentally knew of my other heritage…but, I didn’t feel any strong connection, to being Anglo Saxon…or pride over it.

It was something, we largely just didn’t talk a lot about, in our home…

…I wish we had…I’d have really liked to have had the opportunity, to explore this side of my ancestral bloodline…and culture.

It’s not politically correct, to talk trash about N.A. Indians…especially after the history, and how they were brutally treated…So, I never encountered any of the nasty racism, which someone who is maybe half black…or half Mexican, might have been subjected to.

Anyway…when you don’t cling to any one heritage over the other, it makes all this talk about “master races”…or “importance of race purity”, seem like a whole lot of B.S., pulled out of bigoted asses.

…Is the white part of me, supposed to hate the non-white part of me?…

It’s all so very ridiculous…

I think, there should be more race mixing…Just get rid of this stupid, “race identity” mentality…Because it is merely a division.

My racial make-up, doesn’t really even have a name [that I’m aware of…(now watch some smart ass, produce a link to it, in response to me)]…I’m just a human mutt…no better…no worse…the way it should be.

It makes me sad, to see that boy…and it reminds me of things I saw, and experienced, in my own boyhood.

There is this strong mentality, amongst religious homeschoolers…and religious private schools, of keeping the children segregated, from “outside” influences…so that they cannot pick up other ideas and experiences, from people of alternative viewpoints, and circumstances.

This is hugely problematic…because these kids are deprived of vital experiences, which teach them how to empathize with, and respect other human beings.

It also sabotages the kids, themselves…because this is a horrible, incompetent way to prepare anyone, for life in the world…where they have to get along, with people of different races, sexualities, beliefs, experiences, etc…

When you are taught from earliest memories, that those who are different are “evil”, or “inferior”…this is a huge, stumbling block…

Some day, this mental revelation, may dawn upon those kids…and their worlds will turn, upside down…and so much of what they once believed in, without question, will be in doubt…Their lives will be debased…They may end up hating their parents [and other elders, who raised them], because of this…They’ll probably be cut off, from the only support system they ever knew, in addition.

I hope they work their way out of that cult…It will be hard on them, no matter the course their lives take…But, they will probably become better people, if they leave it behind…and start a new life.

As to the boy, himself…

…me being of mixed blood…

…being homosexual…

…and being an atheist…

…I don’t know that he’d invite me to be a guest on his show, anytime soon…

It would be a fun privilege, being able to set down with him, and discuss these things [he likely would not have a clue, until I spelled it all out for him…that I’m mixed/homo/non-theist]…Let him get a real sense, of what it is like to meet, talk with, understand and know “those kinds of people”…

That’s the problem with so many people…they don’t even know the actual thing they attack…they just default to blurting out stereotypes, which have been reaffirmed to them by bigots, over their lifetime.

If nothing else…

…I’ll bet a really good blow-job, would change his perspective somewhat…

Sexual repression manifests in ugly ways, indeed…

Maybe, he’s just suffering angst, because he’s not gotten any nookie?…[Well, it’s so much deeper than that, but…a bit of sexual liberation, would likely do him good]…

What is heartbreaking, is that he is being used like a puppet…

…He is a tool, for his parents dictations.

…as such, I consider him more a hostage, than anything else…

Yes, It Is Funny…


Date: June 13, 2010

01) BoyChat Link

…Though, it is also sad, at the same time.

Link

“Pedo”, you see…means “child”…

Many people are ignorant of this, and I’ve both written an essay [or two], talking about this…and I’ve also recorded at least one, brief monologue, talking about this…I’ll probably post that, at some point in the future.

This is a good picture, because it illustrates clearly…”pedo”, is not a bad, or filthy, word.

Many people love pedos.