Daily Archives: February 4, 2013

Who Has a Voice?…

Date: February 4, 2013

01) The real silenced voices

Most days, I feel like the absolute only voices even allowed heard, are of those who outright hate people like us…All other voices are gagged, unless they are submissive to those intolerant voices.

Everything inconvenient to their rigid social structure, they want whitewashed…

…and I have had far too many run-in’s with self identified victims [many quite loud, obnoxious and abusive], to ever buy into the lie that “victims have no voice”. Some of them are extremely nasty, abusive and even criminal in “exercising their voice”.

As to the sexual aggression of children…I can personally attest to this in my own experience…not as an adult, but as a kid. The person who I had my first sexual relations with [a female cousin of mine] pursued me relentlessly, when I was a tween. It stretched on for days…She was doing things like spontaneously sliding her hands down the front of my pants, into my underwear and grabbing me, even after I’d turned her away several times before…I eventually relented, because she was making/keeping me so damned horny. Prior to this point in my life, I had never looked at her in a sexual manner [I was attracted to other boys, after all]…But she decided she was going to have me. All things told, it was a nice experience…She never complained, either…Heck, it was her doing…She had/has no grounds for complaining…I was actively pushing her in the direction of not doing this, but she wouldn’t have any of that.

Some kids get extremely aggressive, when they want sex.

There are a lot of people, “professional” and laymen, who would tell me that I was sexually molested and sexually assaulted because of this life experience…Some might even suggest, that my cousin was also.

I prefer to allow my memories and cognition to speak for themselves.

Maybe I was genuinely molested in the beginning, since I didn’t really want to go through with that, with her…But it evolved into something which I can live fully at peace with.

My own experience as a boy, has been a powerful reason why I reject the claim that sexual contact destroys children…She was not the only one…I got unwanted sexual advances from another person, durring this time window. He was another “grabber”, and did pretty much the same thing as the girl…but that did not evolve anywhere. I was just really pissed off at him for a few days…after which, it was water under the bridge.

Similar to my experience, I’ve also had another BL share with me the story of his first sexual experience…an event that went way over the top, in my opinion [though sounded like mind blowing fun]…Similar to me, he also came to see this event in a positive way.

The worst thing about childhood, is that they never taught any of us anything about sexual ettequete. Consequentially, all the sexual encounters I had as a kid were ones that I stumbled clueless into…There was no negotiation…Just another frisky kid coming onto you, and helping themselves to your body [even when you were telling them “no”].

I suppose, it’s natural…and kids aren’t given the social tools to navigate their sexuality any better…So I can look past it, as regards to the individual kids behaviors. Things still shouldn’t be that way…and I blame it on the efforts to suppress childhood sexuality.

I really wish I’d not been kept so naive, for such a long span of my life…I was affraid of sex, on the grounds of religious mind conditioning…Thinking back to that aggressive boy, I now know that he was truly the one best chance I ever had, for a boy/boy sexual relationship.

…I could have lived with the fact, that he also was my cousin…but it was too bad, that he wasn’t more “my type”…Contrary to what many people think about BoyLovers, being attracted to boys in a general sense, does not mean that you have the same, equal attraction to all boys…Still, I think it would have been a very positive and exciting relationship to experience, had we both been able to embrace it…I’m sure it would have been a great memory.

I kick myself hard, over that lost opportunity…somewhat frequently…

…and that is what I think about the person, who legitimately molested me.

What can I say?…Life is complicated…And the supposed rules of how a kid is supposed to react to these things, in my experience, is utter hogwash.