Date: July 1, 2013
“autopaedophiles being those who continues to conceive of themselves as a child long after childhood, and who have a sexual attraction to themselves in that role alongside being attracted to actual children whom they regard as their peers.”
I did not know, there was an official title for this. You’ve taught me something new here, Tom. Thank you!
This [what is described] is something that I personally identify with. The social system [including notions on adulthood] we have imposed upon us, has always seemed extremely foreign to me…at times distressing…and a source of chronic dread.
Psychologically, I still identify with my very young self…Assuming “adult” roles, has been more a painful process of having parts of me ripped away, or bludgeoned down by social customs…This evolution has never felt like a natural, or right process. It’s more about learning how to not be hurt, than about learning how to actually live…let alone, thrive.
The self sexual attraction thing…While I’d not suggest I’ve ever had a really strong leaning, that way…there are some relevant things I could cite, from my life…For example, I do sometimes have recurring fantasies, of going back to my own boyhood and living out sexual relations with boys…some who I knew…others who are fictional creations.
Children as peers?…I think the relationship dynamics are not entirely that simple, due to social stresses…but I completely understand, that sort of pedophilic bond. I am something different from the child…Yet there is a tremendous deal within that child, which I identify with. They can’t honestly be a peer…But in no small way, there is an understanding of personal equal importance.