Date: July 22, 2014
You are, of course, correct to point this out. We do fit into that more ambiguous place, where a child or teen may be just exploring…maybe does not even conceive of himself, with any sexual identity.
I still get a bad sense about it, when it’s suggested that we should take no stance, or we should abandon such fights.
I think one of the shortfalls, is in not recognizing that there remains a good bit of common ground between us and gays, even though there is bad blood…and social dynamics are very complicated…and it is hard to say how to reasonably get along with mainstream gay organizations, when they refuse to get along with you.
With all the fracturing into narrowly focused groups, I think the main issue has been entirely lost…That being, this is fundamentally a war on human sexuality, wherein aggressors are making things out of human sexuality which it is not. Some of us still hold to the principle, that nobody should be able to impose that upon others.
Personally…I don’t make any distinction, when it comes to the age or sex [or sexuality] of the target chosen by aggressors. They are all targets and victims of this war, just like us. That, alone, makes pushing back on their behalf worthwhile [in my opinion].
I’ve traded off a narrow fight for BoyLovers, for a broader fight…The first principle being, always strive to represent the facts honestly, no matter who or what. I fight for approaching things with openness and honesty.
…Everything else just follows under this, by extension.
[Note: Any on looking reader familiar with my incest story, who is either bored of reading it or offended by it, can pretty much stop reading this post now.]
With regards to your memories…From what I make of this issue, we sometimes just fall into “hotbeds” of sexual activity. By the time I found myself explicitly exposed to this, it was the early mid eighties. I was about twelve, but came from a deeply religious family and was “sheltered” [hobbled, honestly].
My parents divorced…mom and I relocated, moving in with my aunt, uncle and cousins…who were not religious, in any substantial way.
Of course, my cousins had a few friends who messed around and “played the field”…but the one thing that stood out, and what at least one person has called me “a freak” over…is that my cousins were sexually active with each other, and had been such, going well into the past…It was never clear to me exactly how far back…but the relaxation with it and commonality about it, suggested to me it was going on for years…at least a few.
Long story short…my male cousins “went to camp for a week”, leaving me alone with my female cousin…and she decided she was going to have me, no matter what. Never again in my life, have I ever had anyone get this sexually aggressive with me…I even rejected her advances, numerous times.
You don’t not realize what you are getting into, when you are someone with her experience, repeatedly forcing your hand into a twelve year old boys underwear and grabbing him…Which is amongst the many reasons, why I reject the idea that children aren’t sexual [or sexually aware]…I was very aggressively seduced by one…a girl younger than me, at that.
I guess, the predictable happened…and horny out of my mind, my younger female cousin became my first explicit sexual companion.
Not a single bit of this was of my own making, nor a product of my own pursuit…In fact, I thought I was “going to hell” for it.
However unique, stigmatic…heterosexual…that may not have been the first time I came face to face with human sexuality…but it was the first time I ever had a deep, physical sexual experience, with another human being.
Curiously…she is a lesbian, today…and I am a BoyLover…The male cousins involved, are heterosexual.
I’m fairly positive I could have had something going on with one of my male cousins, also…because there was one time, when he opened the door to some messing around…but it never lead anywhere. I, perhaps strangely, was not interested in him like that.
So…I do, honestly, understand the fluidity of human sexuality…especially at younger ages.
It was my own experience that, despite being of my sexual orientation, not only did I not want to have every boy I came across or who made himself available [and no, my cousin was not particularly bad looking]…but randy girls, could offer quite the amazing experience, too.
A few have suggested here, that this experience [or set of experiences] of mine is so far on the fringe, that it doesn’t really matter or count for anything.
All I can say is…it is a road which has opened my own eyes, to things which maybe a lot of other people do not get to directly see.
Yeah…kids have sex, but it’s always stuff going on under the surface…It’s impossible to tell, what exactly is the most normal way kids deal with their sexuality. Mostly, we all just have our own personal past to go on…and it was not until several years after I came online, that it really dawned on me…not only am I not an isolated freak incident…but people have these kinds of experiences, a lot more frequently than many would have us believe.
We’d have to have another Alfred Kinsey, and a sea change in public attitude, in order to get a clearer picture of this.