Date: August 10, 2014
“A colleague recently raised the question as to whether boy peer friendships which include exploratory, experimental, and pleasure-seeking sex can continue into adulthood minus the sex. He wasn’t talking about gay relationships that began in boyhood, but was wondering if adult men could/would remain close nonsexual friends if they had explored sex together as boys.”
Thinking back for myself…there were only a small handful, that went anywhere beyond school acquaintance…and none of them became sexual. These relationships for me were transient…even with my best friends.
…We met, clicked, bonded…and were “inseparable” for a year or two…then something happened…someone changed schools or moved away…the bond was broken.
To me…it just doesn’t seem like a normal thing, for childhood friends to become adult friends…They are not usually allowed to…There are to many factors working against it…and many of those factors don’t even care, about the nature of the relationship.
Childhood relationships are expendable, in this world…Which is really a shameful thing.
Against that backdrop, I have to say…the relationships where kids had sex, grew up and maintained a relationship without the sex, would be very rare.
…Not at all impossible…but very rare.
Thinking back…I suppose I did have the lightest form of sexual experience with one best friend…but the hands on experiences always happened with cousins. Cousins are, of course, a bit of a different relationship. I’ve fallen out of contact with my cousins…but for years there were family events that kept getting us back together. I would not call any of us close, but there is still a bond of sorts.
At times, I have wanted to pose some questions and see what responses I’d get…I don’t know if it would be denial, or what…but I have to wonder, how they would approach our history today.
We don’t talk about it…probably because we know we stepped outside of “social norms”, and realize it’s safer left in the past…maybe because we don’t know how the other will respond.