Does BoyChat Have To Be Mean?…


Date: October 12, 2014

…This place is tough. Does it have to be mean?…

…This place is tough. Does it have to be mean?…

You are full of…

Wonderful Advice in this post of yours, nitro.

The number one thing which bothers me most about this…is how disgustingly debased BoyChat has become, entirely because of this relentless, chronic behavior becoming the dominent norm. It has eroded things so badly, that you commonly don’t even know who is being on the level with you, even about trivial matters.

When I arrived here, something like sixteen years ago…I was so amazed and taken in by this lively, vibrant, inviting and sincerely caring community…that I did not even get phased by the chronically nasty posters…not for quite some time, anyway…I was too engaged with the others here…plus, the in fighting was more of an intriguing thing to watch play out…It was entirely new to me, this whole phenomena of people “like us” being able to freely do that.

I think a big part of the problem regarding many of us…is that we have been forced to co-exist with each other, for far too long…and on a resource, that has been in decline for many, many years.

The “broken record” phenomena is at play, here.

Historically, I’ve always striven to quietly pass by the mutual fight threads…and I’ve often done the same, in cases where certain people were being indefensibly cruel and abusive towards others here…Though, I’m more inclined to infuse something decent and caring, by maybe posting to the person under attack, with some type of compassion.

More of us should consciously do that…Just completely ignore the abuser, enter the thread and post something kind and uplifting to whomever is under attack, to help heal these wounds inflicted by abusers.

…They are not just wounds dealt to the person being attacked…They are wounds on these boards…They are wounds in the freedom and psychology of this community…They are wounds on the lives of onlookers, who don’t need anymore wounds.

In many ways, I feel like it has been a horrible failure on my own part, when I have not tried to counterbalance the abuse and vitriol which so enthusiastically gets spread all over these boards.

A lot of people don’t want to get involved…because of a vindictive atmosphere here, which almost always arises when someone does get involved…tries to disrupt, whatever scheme is being relentlessly undertaken by some abuser.

…But it really just grinds on you…when you’ve been here for how many years?…and back in the day, “so-and-so” was here…being nasty and abusive, and hijacking threads or the entire board, for imposing their own will on it [to hell with consideration, for everybody else]…when really energized, even keeping this place in a state of perpetual war.

…And a few years later, “so-and-so” is still here, behaving in a way that makes you wonder if anything at all has changed on these boards…

…And a decade later, “so-and-so” is still here…and thoughts of all the pain, anger and degradation caused, by the fact that mouthy, nasty “so-and-so”, is somehow still here…inexplicably managing to somehow avoid a lifelong permanent ban…Still pushing way past the boundaries of acceptable behavior, and with a grocery list of community members in good standing, who have repeatedly cited and outlined the menacing, threatening legacy of “so-and-so”…

At some point in time…and this has happened for me, with a few people here…it is time to take that old, tired, worn out, broken record…and throw it in the trash can, where it belongs.

…We’ve been relentlessly subjected to what they have to offer…and it is rotten to the core…

What I have just explained here…is where I have been psychologically at, for the last two or three years…at least.

…It is extremely hard and testing at times…refraining from thrashing the rancid crap, out of certain mouthy, abusive, nasty, “below the belt” manipulation people, who have deeply entrenched themselves here [on a board and resource I care deeply about]…and who have been absolutely begging for a severe reckoning to come back around to them.

How many decades does it take, before this board will vomit out it’s poisoners?

…It has turned even the good people here, into people who have been melded to the will of these malcontents…Because eventually, being constantly subjected to this breaks anybody down.

This is why…what I have been talking about [and certain people have scoffed at], is so relevant.

It is important, what the general balance and atmosphere of this board gets maintained at. Which is why it is so important, that we push the malcontents aside, and we overshadow them with a superior behavior…one which represents our community with dignity, compassion and meaning we can be proud of.

I’m not talking about people who have heated disagreements, here…We disagree with each other here all the time, without it turning into some ridiculous spectacle…Nor am I speaking of people having a bad day…I’m talking about the cases who rightly should have been banned from these boards, years ago…and for whom it is a complete mystery, that they are allowed to remain.

And if anybody out there is reading this post…and they are seeing themselves in what I have typed just above…realize it is you, with your relentless bile, who has taught the rest of us how to relate and respond to you. If some of us have “thin skin”, it is because your relentless abrasiveness has worn it down to the raw meat…and now you are seeing the bloody sentiments emerge…many of which have been pent up, in some cases, for over a decade.

I’ve hung onto BoyChat all these years, for a number of reasons…It still serves a purpose in my life…It’s still a place to come, for bouncing ideas off other people…and for community…

…But I’ve also come to find, that my blog is every bit as important to me, as BoyChat ever was…because it gives me somewhere to go, when I see BoyChat flooded with the sort of thing you are talking about, and I just have to turn my back on the whole vile mess, and walk out the door to saner territory…because that is one day, I am not letting it all drag me down with it.

It is frustrating seeing things when they are in that state…But I think I am frustrated more at the good people here, for remaining silent…or for constantly calling for the cheap, easy “fix” of banning people…

The solution has always been…Take The Damn Board Back From The Mouthy, Vile Fools Trying To Destroy It, By Imposing A Better Quality Of Behavior On Every Thread.

Let the malcontents drown in our collective good…Let them wither and die from lack of acknowledgement, as we turn our backs on them and their shameful behavior.

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