Daily Archives: March 13, 2016

Canadian Documentary: I, Pedophile…

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Date: March 13, 2016

01) The Canadian documentary I, Pedophile [Direct / Download Link]



My Response:

…First, I want to thank the people behind this production, as I know it’s not easy being associated with this kind of a thing.

…Next, I just want to say that my idea of a “perfect” documentary on “pedophiles”, is no doubt substantially different from that of those featured in this documentary…and I was anticipating this…ready to extend grace and forgiveness…because there is only so much we can expect to even make it onto “the big stage”, in this day and age.

It’s hardly perfect…but it’s something of relevance.

Okay…

01) It starts off with rhetoric [Though I acknowledge I’ve gone through phases of my life, where I can totally relate to the “I hated myself” guy]…It’s dark, and has ominous music…The scene with the guy on the table, going into the scanner, isn’t terribly humanizing…It makes me feel more like I’m witnessing a lab rat, than a human being.

02) I’m not entirely sure…if the protestors are actors, or real people protesting…And without knowing the guy they are protesting, I’m not prepared to say anything about his case…However…the dogma is clear, here. A lot of what is being represented here, comes from the phobia going on in the minds of those protestors.

03) I have nothing but the utmost of respect, for the two MAPs who appeared in this documentary.

04) Acknowledging that this world sets us MAPs up for an excruciatingly hard life, and that many of us do end up picking up psychological damage…even mental illness…I appreciate that they have mentioned the near impossibility, to attain mental health services…at least when we actually need them. Sadly, I think there are a lot more such cases in the MAP community, than gets recognized…and I think the MAP community, at large, prefers to distance itself from this…Because those who are doing well, don’t like being attached to the stigma of mental illness.

I’ve known of a case or two, where there should have been an intervention, before things escalated to where they did…If only we would have known, something could have potentially been done to stop it…

I used to have a much more naïve, cheery and positive outlook on this issue…not really seeing it as a major problem, within the MAP community…Over the years [almost two decades, now]…I’ve seen a few straight up sociopaths, who identified as one of us…I’ve also seen a good MAP mentally break, and go extremely wrong…

…I have enough knowledge about this issue today…to know that it is real…it is out there amongst us…and it is not being adequately addressed…I’ve lost someone very dear to me, because of this…It’s not something I can deny, nor forget.

05) I’m never really going to be comfortable with it, when I hear someone suggesting that we MAPs should not be in society “without supervision”…It feels like being told, we need to be kept on a leash.

06) In addition…I reject the idea, that herding MAPs into some kind of social commitment program, is itself going to make the world a safer place…In fact, it can be very psychologically damaging and traumatic, to be forced into such a thing. A person does not need that, just because they are a MAP.

07) It should be noted, that Dr. Cantors research findings are his own findings, from his own research, based on his specific pool of research subjects…And it’s been quite controversial, causing a lot of uproar and mockery, from amongst the MAP community, itself. Many of us fear [and I think quite rightly], that we are not adequately represented by these findings…and that these findings, are more likely to drag us down in the long run, than to actually help us.

…I have to concede, however…I don’t have a direct line of communication with every MAP on this planet…and, therefor, I cannot tabulate our collective status…So…I’m afraid it will fall to these limited studies, to do anything even remotely progressive for MAPs…until the day of real change happens.

…Easily, the biggest heartbreaker in all of this…is that we MAPs, as a community, were actively trying to build this foundation [and partnership], for research on MAPs…easily well over a decade, before Dr. Cantor ever arrived on the scene. I think it would have yielded the most pure and honest findings…But now, it’s been taken up by a somewhat controversial outsider, which has the MAP community very fractured…and at odds with each other.

I have a lot of sympathy for Dr. Cantor, over what he’s had to endure through all of this…And I appreciate some of the things he’s brought to the table…But being honest…if it were up to me…I’d have never chosen him to do this research…and I’d have wished, that he’d have just steered clear of it all. I think…for those MAPs who flock to him…they see his refusal to acknowledge legitimacy of our sexuality, as being some sort of advantage…in clearing a limited path to move in…It is still coming at a very real, very deep cost, however…

…Not the least of which, is the MAP community fracturing.

08) I object to Dr. Cantors use of the term “cross wiring” [when talking about MAP brains]…as it implies that pedophilia is somehow “the wrong” status…or “the disordered” status.

With all due respect…We don’t even know exactly how common pedophilia is…The day may come in the future, where we discover that nearly everybody experiences pedophile attractions and inclinations, at least once in their lives…Maybe on an infrequent, but still recurring basis, throughout their lives…We don’t know how many people completely bury it, and live in denial.

What I am getting at…is that pedophilia may be nowhere near as uncommon, as we currently imagine it to be…And this “cross wiring”, may be just a secondary variant to base heterosexuality and base homosexuality…Just because it might be less common, does not make it abnormal.

09) One place where I really appreciate Dr. Cantor…is that he tells it like it is, where it comes down to the concrete nature of our orientation…It’s part of us, and nobody is going to change it. I see very few other people out there doing this…especially people with PHDs, and status.

10) Dr. Beier…I can appreciate the spirit of what he is saying…But I’ve always felt it was just wrong, to compare substance abuse with any sexual orientation [including pedophilia]…These are two extremely different things. Furthermore, it’s stigmatizing to suggest that a pedophile cannot care for a child. I acknowledge that people can lose respect…but I don’t believe they are “completely right in [their] answer”, when suggesting that being a pedophile disqualifies one from caring for a child.

Different MAPs have different experiences…but it’s to cliché, stigmatic and prejudiced, to suggest that we all cant control ourselves.

11) Yes!…Pedophilia IS part of human sexuality!…

…There you go, dear readers…A doctor who is stating what a lot of us have been saying for years, upon years…Pedophilia is just one part of human sexuality…It’s as normal to be present in any culture, as any other type of human sexuality.

12) I’m not sure where Dr. Beier gets off labeling “false behavior”…but I’ve always understood, that his program does not endorse active adult minor sexual relations…So, this is no shock. His institution is ultimately an agent of social control, just aimed at MAPs.

13) I really appreciate the distinction between how terms [“pedophile” and “hebephiles”] get used in research [and what they fundamentally mean], versus how they get used in ordinary conversation…The gravity of this disparity, cannot be emphasized enough.

14) I think…While Dr. Cantor does introduce an important issue on relationship perceptions…he’s doing a serious disservice, by ignoring children who honestly are sexually motivated. Even if we don’t presume them to be anything more than a tiny minority…they are out there.

15) We can do without seeing the incident, presented like some creepy assault, thank you…I’m sure we’ve seen well more than enough of these, on tabloid television programming. It’s propagandist.

16) The way child pornography is treated in our so called “civilized” world, is outright barbarity…And this is one giant, that must be slain. We cannot allow things to continue on, as they are…And I believe the time is coming, when hysteria surrounding child pornography will reach a tipping point…and it will push things so far, that the majority of us will no longer tolerate this insatiable blood lust, for taking revenge against all taboo sexuality.

17) Well…this is the first time I’ve ever seen the depiction, of a pedophile in prison chocking out his attacker…Very nice!

18) You know…I’ve always kind of wondered what all falls under “acting on it”, when it comes to being a MAP….I mean, I’ve seen some fanatics suggesting that I am “acting on it”, by simply putting myself out here…and talking about the many realities of this existence…Some even suggest that I am “trying to normalize it”, by doing this…

…Of course, I am not…and I don’t need to [nor could I] normalize it, when it is already a normal component of human culture [suppressed as it may be]…I’m just trying to help ease the epiphany, for as many people as I can…help others make sense of it all, and come to some sort of peace with it.

I expect most people think “acting on it” means having sex with a child/teen [as an adult]…but some people use extremely broad [I’d suggest bastardized] definitions, when it comes to this…Likely because they just want us to get into trouble, for even just daring to stick our heads out, and challenge anything about the current social practices and beliefs.

19) I appreciate that Dr. Cantor distinguishes between pedophilia, and psychopathy…as they are most definitely not the same things. Yes, MAPs can see other people as people…including children and teens [for some children and teens, we are the only people who do]. Many of us hold a great deal of care and respect for them…and for people of all ages.

…And, yes…thankfully, psychopaths are rare amongst MAPs.

20) “He’s orally raping me”?…

…I’m sure the man who is saying this, is being genuine…

…and this takes me into one of my fundamental objections about how our sexuality is treated…

…You’re a MAP…you get no place in this world, where you are left alone…You’re hounded and persecuted, for every outward expression of your natural sexuality…Of course, a lot of MAPs have resorted [been forced] to make due, with less than optimal circumstances…And amongst those less than optimal circumstances, we can find some MAPs a bit to enthusiastic, in invite themselves to a child’s body…

…Where as, if this could all be out in the open…and we could somehow be mature and reasonable about it, as a culture…there is no reason under the sun, why these kinds of awkward experiences should happen.

You now have a guy, who as a kid did not know what to expect…in a culture, which is centered around making sure he will carry as much psychological baggage with him as possible, for merely having what should have been an experience he could have looked upon, like…”Well, that was weird [or interesting], but I don’t want to do this anymore”…And he should have been able to walk away, his pride and self image still intact…

…And the “pedophile”?…In a better world, he would be able to openly talk about these things with those he’s attracted to, and find an interested partner…one who’d know what to expect, before he got into bed.

…But I suppose, that all makes too much practical sense.

Homophobia [as well as pedophile phobia] is a wicked, hateful thing…and internalized, like with this poor guy…it’s terrible. Society should not have imposed this cruelty upon him.

Oh…and calling someone who enjoys the mutual sexual companionship of children [or teens] a “predator”, merely because they enjoy the mutual sexual companionship of children [or teens]?…It takes one hell of a lot more than that, to make anyone a true predator.

…That is nothing but bold faced bigotry, on display…I’m sorry if this guy got unwittingly pulled into a web of social mess, and that it was not fair…but it is still bigotry.

I think he’s more responding to the social pressures around him, concerning the stigmatized experiences he had…than he is responding to the experiences, themselves.

Look…a lot of us have been unwillingly touched, grabbed and groped, sexually…even as kids…The best immunity one could ever have, to what this guy is going through today…is in never internalizing [never accepting] all the psychological crap [the sexual superstitions], which people are trying to pile on top of those kinds of experience.

Don’t accept their lies about it…Dismiss them, and don’t let them haunt you for the rest of your life…This piece of advice, will serve every victim of sexual assault well, no matter who they are or what they experienced.

I’m sorry this guy was not consenting…It sounds like he was a surrogate, and not an active partner…

…Though a lot of people might not believe this…and though I’ve never thought so ill, of willing experimentation…this type of pressured and unnatural encounter, is amongst the things I would genuinely like to happen less [if “not at all”]. It’s why I believe, that MAPs need legal avenues to attain natural companionship. Otherwise we get these cases, where some MAPs try to forcefully make do, with whatever person is available who looks good to them…That’s not healthy.

21) I don’t personally believe that pedophilia is a disease…because sexuality is not a disease…And I think, as a culture, we’ve gotten entirely to comfortable, with couching culturally inconvenient things, in terms which imply dysfunction…

…There may be some kind of dysfunction present…but, it’s not originating from the individual person, so much as from the culture, which has moved away from that individuals human nature.

I’d also point out that “illness”, especially when it comes to mental and social state…and sexuality…this is a cultural matter, with a vast and deep history of social flux…What we consider “ill” or “dysfunctional”, changes over time.

There is nothing to honestly cure, when it comes to pedophilia…It’s really just a question, of how we as a culture, are going to approach pedophilia.

22) I do see, and recognize, a lot of the self doubt expressed by one MAP…And this is why social communities of peers [MAPs], are so vital to us MAPs. It helps us make sense of our own lives, and our place in this world…and it helps anchor us, having these support structures.

You know…they talk about us MAPs “needing their help”…but in reality, a lot of us found what we needed, in our fellowship with other MAPs.

For all it’s warts and problems…BoyChat has been a beautiful, magnificent gift to me…Because it was the source of my own support…and I forged a lot of wonderful bonds of friendship, there…A lot of people [even MAPs] like to spew venom at BoyChat, without honestly realizing it’s powerful place, in our collective history…It honestly has been a juggernaut…and if you’ll pardon the expression from an atheist…a “godsend”…

I would take a vibrant, honestly caring, present and empowered MAP community any day, over some institution offering drugs, therapy and “coping skills”…There is no contest, there.

Okay…I think I’m done…I’m just going to watch the rest of this…and likely not give anymore response…as I’ve been at this for quite a while, and I’m getting really tired…I think I started this a couple hours ago, and I still have about twenty minutes of it to go.

Well…as it happens, the video cut out on me, just as Dr. Cantor was mentioning how important it is for MAPs, to have a connection with people experiencing the same thing [other MAPs]…How curious, given that I just went on about the exact same thing.

I’m done watching for now…I’ll finish later…but wont likely ad more commentary…unless I see something, that demands a response.

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