Date: April 07, 2017
I appreciate and respect what you have gone through, as well as where you have arrived at psychologically.
From ages 3 to around 6 or seven, you were sexually, physically and mentally abused?
That is an awful lot of diverse behavior, to be grouping together.
Physical and mental abuse can be very destructive…I don’t know if you are grouping what you call sexual abuse in with both, or not…and I don’t know the nature of what took place…so, I cannot comment on that.
One thing I do know about this…is that much of the time, people who consider themselves to have been a victim of sexual abuse, were often in a bad situation…and a bad setting…
In these cases, it is easy to mistake the injury from psychological and physical abuse, with “the natural outcome” of a sexual encounter [or even relationship] at a young age.
At that age, you don’t really have any prior experience to draw upon…You don’t necessarily know what to expect…and if the over all situation is bad…it is going to be confusing…and it will not be a good setting, for such a thing to take place in.
I take it the violent and psychological abuser, was the same individual having sexual experiences with you?
If that is the case…this can explain a tremendous amount, with regards to your negative views.
With regards to depression…
One of the things about experiencing taboo, personal things, which carry a social stigma and you live with being told was wrong [or “you’re damaged” for it, and other negative messages]…is that it is isolating…And because of the way it is socially framed, it is embarrassing and hard to talk about.
Honestly…many people in your situation and mental state, are describing the same thing that MAPs experience in life…only from a different angle.
I’m not talking about the sexual contact, here…
…I’m talking about social walls and boundaries, which psychologically stop us from talking about, or being able to accept and find peace, with ourselves and our past.
You call yourself damaged…and I believe you used the word “destroyed”…
…Please, don’t sell yourself short…
I’m not going to ask how it was…but no matter how it was…there is always a path forward.
I know these things are hard…Being an alien in this world, or even just believing that you are, is always hard…
…Believe me, I know…it’s very, very hard…And there is a lot of frustration, and depression and at times desperation…maybe even a dozen breakdowns, or more…
…But there is always a way forward…Nothing defines “you”, except “you”.
I am sorry you have had to go through, whatever it is that has caused you to arrive at this place.
Not everybody with a “sexual abuse” past, has a horror story to share, about it…And I hope you will be accepting and respectful of that point.
It is through the process of recognizing and distinguishing the nature of these acts and their settings…that we can better address not only the truly violent cases of abuse…but the subtle nuances, which perhaps leave a child feeling uncertain, unsafe…wrong…even in the non-violent cases.
This would be a positive evolution, in how we approach children and young kids, who’ve had sexual experiences.
I do take issue with at least one other thing…
…It is fact, that there is nothing inherently traumatizing, about a gentle sexual touch…
In these cases…societal influence has a tremendous amount of impact on the participants, psychologically.
If there were broader social acceptance and empathy, this would nullify those sorts of psychological disturbance and distress…Because nobody wouldn’t be facing this flood of relentless, negative messaging.
It does nobody any favors, saddling them with psychological false conflicts.
…In fact, it’s these kinds of influences which eat at people…and consume them.
A person psychologically injured in that way, is not someone we can best expect to make good decisions…or thrive. In some cases, this treacherous influence causes them to spiral out of control.
I don’t know what the future holds…But I do know, that how society currently treats human sexuality, is an utter disaster…and it is straight up inhumane.
Things need to change…and this world needs to come to terms with human sexuality, for at least once in the history of humanity.
Only then, can we really start addressing things like your experience.
Omnipolitics16 is young…he’s exploring, and searching to find himself as a MAP…He’s not very good at articulating himself…I’m not so great at verbally doing such, myself…and I give him credit for at least having the spine, to get in front of a camera and speak his mind.
…But the point is…he hasn’t developed into a good representative of MAPs…give him time.
These issues surrounding MAPs, sexually active children/kids…intergenerational relationships…they are much deeper, and more able to be defended than what you are likely to get out of Omnipolitics16.
It’s not his fault…If it’s anybody’s fault, it is the fault of us older MAPs, who have not taken people like Omnipolitics16 under our wing, and helped to guide him.
One last thing…Devaluing the life of a MAP, to the extent that you imply “not minding, if they end up on the business end of one of your weapons”…is an ugly, ugly, sociopathic expression…
…Don’t go down that road…
…I think you are a much better human being, than that.
You and I may be able to recognize so many things in life, which are so extreme in their damage, that they are wrong…
…That doesn’t mean life came with an instruction manual, everything is “black or white”, or that we can ignore all the nuances in life to the extent, that we forget how to allow other people to be human…that we forget how to forgive people, for being human.
You, perhaps, have no concept of what it means…to be sexually attracted [and especially exclusively], someone such as yourself…every day, of every year, of every decade of your life…
…I know this experience, through and through…
The root attraction and intent, is not one of violence.
It’s a very human drive…And not one that every MAP equally learns to engage with well…
If we weren’t so isolated and underground…we could begin to address this as a sub-culture.
So much comes back to the stigma and taboo…and all the things people wrongly believe about MAPs…and all the people willing to become murderously violent, over them.
If you want to do something honestly constructive about this…First, educate yourself on these issues…Second, make yourself available as a real kid, to bounce back genuine feedback towards MAPs, of what “you” need, or want…what would make “you” feel secure, respected and valued.
Please don’t lash out or threaten people…be constructive.
You’ll find that many MAPs are very respectful, empathetic and patient with you…provided you give them a fair chance.
As a MAP…as a BoyLover…I personally hate seeing a young person such as yourself, expressing a mindset and experience, such as what you are going through…It is clear, something wrong occurred in your case.
It’s clear that instead of giving something to you…someone stole something from you.
If you would have been at my side…I promise you, you would not have been treated that way…not by me.
Love is not about taking, or predation…It’s about giving and enhancing…It’s about mutual sharing.