7 Men Share What They Don’t Understand About Consent & Experts Answer Their Questions…

Date: October 15, 2018

01) 7 Men Share What They Don’t Understand About Consent & Experts Answer Their Questions

“The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), defines consent as “an agreement between participants to engage in sexual activity.” However, the definition goes on to state that there are “many, many ways to give consent,” and that while consent “doesn’t have to be verbal, verbally agreeing to different sexual activities” can help sexual partners to set boundaries. Additionally, Planned Parenthood defines consent as “when a person freely agrees to something,” but then goes on to further define the term as a “a clear, happy, excited ‘yes!'” Most notably, what these definitions do not encompass are the complexities of giving and receiving communicating consent — the gray areas.

In an episode of VICE’s HBO Special Report, which aired on Sept. 29, 2018 and is aptly named “Consent,” sexologist and sexpert Michelle Hope spoke with a panel of millennials about the gray areas. Hope read out a sexual scenario and each panelist stated whether on not they considered the act to be consensual. A particular scenario, which painted a woman performing oral sex on a man — whom she had met and had sex with the night before — while he was sleeping, caused a stir amongst panelists and audience members alike. Was their interaction consensual? A disagreement arose in the room, the tension palpable. One thing grew clear: defining consent does not provide a one-size-fits all solution for giving consent in real-life circumstances. But why is it so confusing to understand?

In recent weeks, there has been an outpouring of discussion among American women about consent, what it means to give it, to not give it, to be ignored, and to have your agency for consent taken away. Our society teaches women from a young age about giving their consent, but it does not place the same responsibility on teaching men how to properly ask for it.”

There is to much covered here, for me to be thorough…but let me talk about one issue, anyway…

Is it okay to suck/lick/kiss someone on their body, as they sleep?…

…This varies with the individual.

Some people are extremely happy to experience sexual contact, and they are open to it at nearly any opportunity…plus, they want their partner to be happy…

…These sorts of people can have a standing understanding of open consent…as in, their partner is welcome to physically move in, at their own discretion…or at will…and they will normally be receptive to it.

You can also have people who don’t want that going on, while they are unconscious…

This is all a “well…duh!”, kind of thing…

…But it cant be underappreciated…that the primary factor rests in your partners sexual swagger…and their sexual sensibilities…

It’s most important to know these things about your partner…

When you do…you have an understanding of what is okay.

“Society has groomed both men and women, not to talk appropriately about sex.”


…Of course, you cannot leave out children and youth…because that is where the anti-sexual grooming begins…That is where society first drops the ball.

If they aren’t talking about and approaching sex accurately and respectfully as adults…they weren’t doing it as children and youth, either…That foundation was never set.

This is one reason of many, why you cannot treat children and youth as if they were alien from sex…it comes back to haunt us, later.

Affirmative Consent Policies:

…aka…verbalizing permission for every single advancement of the encounter…can I kiss you?…can I touch you there?…can I take off that?…can I lick you there?…etc, etc…

These are discussions one should have, prior to starting a sexual encounter…or sexual relationship.

People can establish even non-verbal cues, to communicate acceptance or rejection.

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