“That” Discussion…


Date: August 28, 2021

01) LINK

“Often. I am eager for that conversation. And afraid of it.” Cyril Belgrad

Different, but related…

…I lived with my aunt, uncle and cousins for a year and a half after my parents divorced, having no idea my cousins were deeply involved in incest until I found myself in the middle of it all. It’s a considerable reason, why I have practical, personal insight into childhood sexuality…and a rather lenient view on incest today…

For much of my life, I’ve wanted to discuss what happened with all of them…but at the same time, how do you do that?

They probably consider this a can of worms, they don’t want to resurface.

We’re living in times where it’s not inconceivable, one could get prosecuted for things they did as a kid, 35+ years ago.

Even I tend to frame myself more and more as “a victim” in this, not because I literally consider myself one [though, it’s complicated and tricky…at a few points, I met the criteria], but because I don’t want my personal recounts legally used against me.

The potential discussion the four of us could have about that point in our history, probably means a lot more to me as a pedophile, than it will ever mean to them. I’d be asking them to drag up something they can no longer have, and probably want to leave in the past…because it’s a socially dangerous topic.

On a personal level…for me…I really want that discussion, which I’m not even sure they’re capable of having for themselves.

There are questions I wish I’d have asked back then, while it was happening…

…Today, it just seems like an impossible discussion to have…a lost opportunity.


2 thoughts on ““That” Discussion…

  1. feinmann

    Yes, probably best left in your memory archives, but may depend on how much they love you as family. They could react in a really hostile way towards you for raising a topic that makes them feel guilty (aka fearful), focusing on them committing illegal acts, no matter how long ago it was. You may risk losing them forever if you broach the subject. If its any consolation, I am sure youthful sexual experimentation within families is commonplace globally … and enjoyed. Only when society brainwashes adults into believing underage sex is unhealthy, unnatural and evil, do recriminations arise.

    It is somewhat ironic and unfortunate that Cyril Belgrad was on the receiving end of some pretty negative comments from Tom O’Carroll, when all Cyril was doing as far as I could see, was describing his innermost thoughts and emotions honestly as they related to his infatuation. Cyril’s situation is similar to that of many of us within our group, and I felt he verbalised his feelings very well. Society tells us that the dynamic of adult/child relationships is strongly weighted in favour of the adult. I would suggest that the greater imbalance lies in the adult’s tendency to fall hopelessly in love with the child, a love that is rarely reciprocated in equal measure.

    1. eqfoundation Post author

      I wish I’d have had the foresight, to openly ask questions when we were kids…but, you don’t always know what to ask, anyway…

      Cyril…Yeah, it did seem a bit harsh, especially in light of them being sought out and asked to share this.

      It’s not so uncommon for the writers and philosophers among MAPs, to explore and play with ideas…mentally walk through issues and scenarios…even cede points to people “not on their team”…

      …which can get you some rather cross responses, from staunch liberation MAPs.


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