Date: August 28, 2021
“Often. I am eager for that conversation. And afraid of it.” Cyril Belgrad
Different, but related…
…I lived with my aunt, uncle and cousins for a year and a half after my parents divorced, having no idea my cousins were deeply involved in incest until I found myself in the middle of it all. It’s a considerable reason, why I have practical, personal insight into childhood sexuality…and a rather lenient view on incest today…
For much of my life, I’ve wanted to discuss what happened with all of them…but at the same time, how do you do that?
They probably consider this a can of worms, they don’t want to resurface.
We’re living in times where it’s not inconceivable, one could get prosecuted for things they did as a kid, 35+ years ago.
Even I tend to frame myself more and more as “a victim” in this, not because I literally consider myself one [though, it’s complicated and tricky…at a few points, I met the criteria], but because I don’t want my personal recounts legally used against me.
The potential discussion the four of us could have about that point in our history, probably means a lot more to me as a pedophile, than it will ever mean to them. I’d be asking them to drag up something they can no longer have, and probably want to leave in the past…because it’s a socially dangerous topic.
On a personal level…for me…I really want that discussion, which I’m not even sure they’re capable of having for themselves.
There are questions I wish I’d have asked back then, while it was happening…
…Today, it just seems like an impossible discussion to have…a lost opportunity.