Category Archives: In Self Defense: The Life & Times of an Atheist BoyLover

The personal “book” of my life…

Incredible Ignorance and Arrogance: “This Harm”…


Date: May 30, 2021

01) James Dean – Life, Death, & Personality

“This video answers the question: Can I analyze the life, death, and personality of James Dean? “

Apparently, James Dean as a teen had a homosexual relationship with a church leader…

…and Dr. Grande promptly dismisses this relationship between two apparent homosexuals [or bisexuals], as “…this harm…”.

Need I remind Dr. Grande [along with any other onlooking bigots], that you were not there…You did not personally witness the quality and outcome of the relationship…You have no business making this sort of stigmatizing characterization of it.

I get so fed up with people who don’t live these kinds of existence themselves, making these thoughtless condemnations…while dismissing and talking over the people who were actually in the relationships, doing all those allegedly “yucky” things the bigots don’t approve of.

It’s been long determined, that a very large portion of these relationships are considered to be positive, by the alleged “victim”…Further, it’s also been known that roughly the same sized fraction of “victims” consider it to have been neutral…It’s the well pronounced minority, who say it was traumatic or negative in some way…Yet the last group is the one chosen, to represent the entirety of socially designated “sex abuse victims”.

…and the establishment is hell bent on halting any studies, of the many whys in all of this.

Meanwhile, the arrogant and disrespectful population can say whatever hateful things they please, while whatever objective facts may exist are swept out of sight, nowhere to be seen…

…In the absence of anything solid or empirical, it’s a free for all to say whatever you want…to follow the masses mindlessly…because “everybody knows”…and “it’s all settled science”…and “there is nothing left that we don’t know, or that we could possibly learn…or that we should change”…

You sorts have no right…You have no fucking right at all…talking negatively about those of us who literally find it in our natures to live this way…who have harmlessly found others of the same nature to be [and scrounged a bit of mutual happiness in life] with, who have lived this life and existence, enduring a nasty, hostile, hate filled world…all because we want to show/share love, with someone who wants to be loved.

You don’t even have to deal with this bullshit, of a world full of abusive people who don’t even recognize your natural expression of mutual love to be legitimate…You don’t even have to think of the consequences, or how they destroy people…and for literally no good reason at all.

What’s amazing in all of this…is that you go on to talk about how well James did in school and life, during and after this relationship…yet you don’t pause to contemplate how this disputes James being damaged by the relationship…nor to consider that maybe it played a crucial role in the betterment of his life.

Fuck this dehumanizing contempt…Use your mind and Think!

Broken Record Mode:

For those unaware…

…The reason why such a shocking large portion of “sex abuse victims” have a positive or neutral stance towards their experience, is a direct result of the state defining “sexual assault/abuse” so broadly, that it ensnares masses of cases where those involved actually enjoyed doing it…Their only “crime” was running foul of the people in government, who don’t approve of their private life experiences and choices…but there was no objective harm resulting…On the contrary, there may have been very fond memories…because the “victim” wanted and chose it for themselves.

I cannot bring myself to respect any system so warped and twisted, that it ruthlessly punishes the shared natural humanity of others.

This is made so much worse, in that it inflicts itself based on so many false pretexts.

It is a system which refuses to function in reality…while forcing countless others to suffer for it.

It is crystal clear in my mind, just why so many people hate the government [and often society, also]…when their own existence has been entirely raped by this power structure, that wont even treat them like human beings.


Justin Berry Dead? It’s news to me…


Date: May 18, 2021

01) LINK

“Justin Berry…disappeared in Mexico on August 23, 2018, at the age of 32, and is presumed to have been murdered. – Enochian”

02) Wikipedia: Justin Berry

“Berry disappeared on August 23, 2018 while living in Mexico. He was declared dead in absentia by the court of Kern County nearly a year after his disappearance.”

03) BoyWiki: Justin Berry

“Justin Berry (July 24, 1986 – August 23, 2018?) raised in Bakersfield, California who during his teen years designed and maintained multiple websites in which he stripped, showered, and performed sex acts on webcam in return for money and gifts. The term coined for these types of underaged shows is bibcams, which stands for “boy in bedroom cams”.[1] He treated his websites as a professional business for profit and encouraged other boys both older and younger to participate as well. When he turned 18, journalist Kurt Eichenwald of the New York Times stumbled upon his image on the net and began a covert operation to uncover Justin’s business. Once Justin agreed to the story, he revealed all of his activities and agreed to turn over all information on the other individuals involved in return for immunity. He became a federal witness. Justin Berry disappeared in Ensenada, Mexico in August, 2018, at the age of 32.”

Hadn’t been paying any attention, but he was playing both sides of a dangerous game for a long time there.

It’s a foregone conclusion, that somebody would want him dead after what he did.

It’s a shame on so many levels.

Nothing which originally transpired should have been a legal issue in the first place.

If he was murdered, his blood is on the hands of U.S. politicians, law enforcement and his various manipulators [Oprah, Eichenwald], every bit as much as it is on the hands of anyone who may have whacked him.

I wonder if any of them even care.

Yes…I know many people have nothing good to say about him, even among those who supported his betrayal of his own customers…

By various accounts, he was a horrible person.

…but who knows how he might have turned out, had he been freely able to conduct his business legally.


After a day or two…a memory returned to me…that of hearing of his disappearance…and the bad presumptions surrounding it.

It’s been roughly three years ago…It was a brief blurb in the media…which did not stick around…I had plenty of other things to occupy my attention…and I forgot about this…

…But I did learn about it, when it happened.


The Monster We Need to Slay…


Date: May 17, 2021

01) throwing the paedophiles under the bus (again)

…If we fail to collectively confront and fix the root social issues [massive negative misunderstanding and bigotry towards human sexuality], it does not matter if TBLs and teens get legal freedom…because in a world still phobic about sex, it can be taken away from them again.

The real question here, is whether we are collectively focused on universal human equality and the unapologetic ending of all possibility of established power to demonize and devastate human beings…or if it’s top priority to “get what’s good for me” and leave everyone else to suffer “their fate”.

Maybe it’s because I am a literal pedophile, and I’ve never thought that liberation of people like me was seriously within reach, given this era and our circumstances…but I’ve embraced the former stance, to just fight the abuses of power and the bigotry across the board, regardless of the variables.

I empathize with anyone dying to live life naturally and to the fullest…I empathize with those who know they’ve been held back, and done dirty by society…I empathize with those who want more, and who realize things literally could be so much different from how they are…I understand the lure, for those who believe they are “just a nudge away” from what they want for their own life.

In the bigger picture…the monster we have to slay, is the social dishonesty and ruthless aggression towards human sexuality.

That will benefit all of us…nepiophiles, pedophiles, hebephiles, ephebophiles, teliophiles and gerontophiles.

Part of the process in this slaying, is letting go of our own preconceptions about people in groups different from our own…and not dismissing the very real needs and suffering of those other groups, or treating it as if it were in no way connected to us.


Parking Lot Etiquette…


Date: April 28, 2021

There are four basic things you need to know, when navigating a parking lot…

1) Always Drive Slow

2) Always Be Prepared To Stop

3) There Is No “Right Of Way”, Only Critical Parking Lot Courtesy

4) The Only Thing Resembling “Right Of Way”, Is Understanding That If Someone Is Already Moving Into, Or Occupying a Space, And Your Path Goes Through That Space, You Either Choose Another Path or Come To a Stop, Allowing Them to Complete Their Movement and Be On Their Way, After Which You Continue On Your Path

I had the displeasure of encountering a young female today, who does not follow parking lot etiquette…She damn near caused a fender bender with me, cutting me off while I was backing out of my parking space…Honked her horn, causing a scene…and gave me a stink eye while doing all of this…

…I guess the five seconds of her life it would have taken, to refrain from cutting me off, was just too much for her to handle…

…fucking insane idiot…

What really gets me…is that I literally did everything right…I carefully looked in both directions…nobody was coming from either direction…I was mindfully backing out, watching where I was heading in the back window [mostly because school kids are prone to cross the parking lot, right where I was backing into]…I presume she simply whipped in from main street, because she was “right there, right now”, out of nowhere, deciding that she “just had to drive straight through, without stopping”, not a care for the fact that I was presently in this space…

…The same consideration cannot be said for her, as there was literally nothing obstructing her view of me as she approached…She either decided that she was just going to barge through, or she wasn’t paying any attention…because there were no vehicles around me…I was completely out in the open…and it was she who was approaching, while I was clearly backing out of my space.

I hate driving…I don’t even like owning a vehicle, and all the costs and pain in the ass of it all…I’m forced to, because it’s a necessity where I live just to survive….

…And I hate driving mostly because of inconsiderate assholes like that.

That she had the gall to glare at me, while doing it…

…Some people should never be allowed to drive…and that girl is one of them.

You know…had the shoe been on the other foot, and I was pulling into the parking lot…absolutely none of this would have even happened…There is no question at all, that I would have come to a stop and graciously allowed her to back out and pull away…No nastiness would have ever come out of me, over this…It’s a fucking parking lot, after all…These types of common sense navigation are absolutely typical here…

…It says everything about the difference between me and her, that I would stop and allow things to peacefully flow without being an asshole about it…but she clearly would not.

I hate aggressive drivers…There is just no reason for them to be doing this shit.


Pro Consent = Anti Contact?…


Date: February 28, 2021

01) LINK

“A reminder. Anti contact people are pro consent, because they acknowledge consent as an essential component of a relationship, and are aware when it’s lacking.” – Lecter/Larva

If one wanted to play around with the meaning of “pro consent” and “anti contact”, I cannot disagree.

What some of us interpret as “pro consent”, is far more broad than the current dominant ideas on social/legal consent.

“Pro Consent” as a principle, is far larger and more inclusive, than “anti contact”…even if “anti contact” might technically squeak into the fold given the angle you’ve given it here.

“Anti contact” can never be the totality of “pro consent”…They are simply not parallel equals.

I would argue, though…”anti contact” ideology necessarily denies all possibility of adequate consent…which perverts the original intention behind the “pro consent” principle.

There is a massive paradox in equating the two, because they are naturally opposed.


Do you think kids can consent?…


Date: February 28, 2021

01) LINK

“Do you think kids can consent? I’m always stuck in the middle of it – Kimberly @Darkqueen”

Not an answer to your question…Just a branching thought…

From what I have witnessed…I’ll just say that the social discussion on this question has striven, almost entirely, to be as aggressively inequitable as humanly possible…

…which is possibly the most prominent reason, why some of us push back so hard on the conventional ways this question gets answered.

…We’re done with the dogma, the gaslighting, the threats and constant stonewalling, standing in the way of research and actual honest social dialogue.

What dominates is dehumanizing speech centered around fear and retribution, over issues most people do not even appear to understand.

“Consent” has many angles in a sea of variables, all ultimately judged in different ways by different personal and social temperament.

Some tempers are highly aggressive…others, a lot less so.

We have the undesirable fate, of living in a time dominated by aggressive tempers.

Tempers are emotional…not rational…Which is why we, as a species, are not currently having a rational discussion about this question.


As to the actual question…as always…if the overarching culture sets its parameters liberal enough…of course, yes…kids/children can typically meet such criteria.

If a culture decides to respect a child’s autonomy and choice, then this is entirely possible.

Nothing about this statement should be controversial, in any way.

As it happens…most cultures do not respect or value a child’s autonomy and choice, nor the potential for personal growth and empowerment that such represent.


Movements, Demands and Shifting Goalposts: Is There A Discernible Social Goal?…


Date: February 27, 2021

01) LINK

“I remember when The Morally Just Thing To Do© was “I don’t see color.”
And you know what?
That made sense!
Because racism stems from perceiving one race as different than another (regardless of reality).
But now the goalposts have shifted (again), and what was once considered anti-racist is itself racist.
When will we finally cross the goal?
IS there a goal?” – beardy @bahn

People come along…they see what they recognize as [or believe to be] a problem…they fight…maybe get what they want, or some degree of it…or not…they die…other people are born, with their own ideas on “what’s right”…and they repeat the cycle.

Some might interpret the banishment of “Aunt Jemima” as being racist, in itself.

It’s snuffing out that sweet, smiling lady who brings us our yummy pancakes…because there is some messy history which the overwhelming majority know nothing about, associated with her.

I would think…logically…of all the icons that should be entirely inoffensive and celebrated…”Aunt Jemima” would be totally safe and uncontroversial…but, no…

…Somebody, somewhere just has to latch onto long gone history, and frantically reach for the “delete” button…

…because it somehow makes sense in their mind, to banish everything, which they have decided holds a social taint.

It’s pure madness.

I don’t believe that there actually is an envisioned goal…

…It’s a lot of head strong people, pursing their own goals and trying to drag the rest of us along with them.

Some of these people take things which are literally not a social problem in the first place, spin them on their heads and go on the attack of these strawmen…

…Hence my comment on the people targeting Aunt Jemima “only wanting to get their own names in the history books”.

At the point that “Aunt Jemima” and “Uncle Ben” are on the copping block, it’s morphed into a campaign to dictate what we can see or choose.

I mean…can anyone even define a concrete social problem that has arisen, from these characters being on grocery packaging?

[…] this is loopy stuff happening on the fringes…which even members of the black community [which, presumably, it was meant to act on behalf of] have become the most aggressively critical voices over.

Logical people understand, that “Aunt Jemima” is not a real issue…

…but I guess a small, loud few who’ve been pushing this for decades, will get a kick over having made a powerful corporation bend the knee to their demand…and they’ll likely bask in personal glory…

Meanwhile, real social problems persist.


Who Owns Your Identity?: Colloquialism and Identity…


Date: February 19, 2021

01) NO! Critical Race Theory Does NOT Continue the Civil Rights Movement

“The New Discourses Podcast with James Lindsay, Episode 22

Critical Race Theorists like to claim that they have inherited and continue the noble legacy and justice work of the Civil Rights Movement (, but this is an abject lie. In this episode of James Lindsay OnlySubs, my subscribers-only podcast, I take about half an hour to make the case definitively that, while they are content to portray this illusion, it is a grotesque distortion of reality, using their own words. By exploring the book Critical Race Theory: An Introduction, by Richard Delgado and Jean Stefancic (Delgado is something of a founder of Critical Race Theory) and the paper “Mapping the Margins” (​) by Kimberlé Crenshaw, who is regarded as one of the true founders of CRT and the founder of intersectionality, the case against the Woke claim on the Civil Rights Movement is easily and definitively made. Join me to hear the details and the argument! -James”

Colloquialism and Identity…

What is being discussed here, for the most part…is the ability for minorities to control their own identities, and how broader society comprehends them…hence, combating their own dehumanization and social impoverishment.

This is directly tied in with the “I am a man!” statement, from the black civil rights movement…It is an expression of the exact same cultural fight, wherein the majority consider it their ever present right to demonize, ostracize and mock some minorities.

James does not appear to understand this.

Where the people who fight on behalf of this typically fail, is in consistently applying it equally across the board to all groups of people…They only see the social consequences on the minorities they are part of, or they rationally know…but they don’t extend that empathy on to other minorities, that are also being viciously stereotyped and demonized.

This is probably the single most maddening thing about them…because while they are putting themselves forward [and many are looking upon them] as “champions of minority rights”…they’re simultaneously de-legitimizing other minorities in the eyes of the masses, when they ignore the injustices done to those minorities…or worse still, engage in furthering those injustices and demonizations.

If you think you can righteously howl and pound your fist over the plight of Blacks, Jews, Gays, Lesbians and Transgenders [etc.]…and you can turn right around to make snide, vicious remarks about Nepiophiles, Pedophiles, Hebephiles and Ephebophiles…then you don’t belong in any civil rights movement…The whole concept of civil rights, has completely flown over your head.

No, James…

…They are correct, in that they understand the many ways that losing control of your own social identity, injures and impoverishes minorities…

…and it does do that…Many of us can personally vouch for this fact.

The problem today…is that there are a lot of self centered, ignorant douche bags, who claim the principle of self identity ownership is only rightly applied to specific minorities they endorse.

…which literally hijacks and corrupts the base concept and principle.

There is a lot to be angry over, where it comes to how that movement has conducted itself over the last few decades…A lot of the people who’ve sprung out of it, behave like mentally detached schizophrenics…

…But identifying the principle of social identity ownership [the control of ones own social identity], is not one of those things to be angry over…

…It’s honestly quite helpful and insightful.

This is one thing they did which was indisputably right.

It’s the fact that so many claim “a right” to be gatekeepers over this, where things went horribly off the rails.

The talking over and stonewalling of others, is atrocious.


Maps, LGBT, and strategic erasure…


Date: January 20, 2021

01) LINK

“Around 2018 I already started saying “maps aren’t LGBT, unless they’re not cis/not straight”. But even with a modifier, this didn’t sound right. Why? Because almost every map I knew was either queer, or trans, or both.”

I’ve come to see LGBT as being a social and political branding.

As George Carlin would say…”It’s a big club, and you’re not in it.”…

…Though, I would personally tailor it…”and you’re not invited.”

As a practical matter, many of us [myself included] would belong in it, if the LGBT were honestly concerned with ALL homosexuals, and ALL sexually queer.

…They are not…

As it happens, the LGBT [and IGLA] have become an assimilation and domination movement.


The Denial of Empathy (Narrated)…


Date: December 03, 2020

This selection from “In Self Defense: The Life and Times of An Atheist BoyLover…Memoirs and Ethos”, has been narrated by Rocco White. Please enjoy the listen, or read along if you like…or need to.


What on earth is a homosexual pedophile going to have to say about their life, their status and the world around them, that would honestly fill up two decades of their life?…Why express it?…Why say anything at all?…

When I started out, I accepted the social claims and outcomes as they were…I did not question…I had no anger over them, in the bliss of my ignorance…But I had the inner sense that I could help to build some good in this world, despite whatever position I had in it.

I actually thought this world might come to appreciate what selfless “pedophiles” were willing to do, in coming forward and participating in studies with accredited institutions…or in courageously holding a long term public dialogue with the public…Frankly, in opening up the real world of real people who happen to be sexually oriented this way…so that people could begin to see and recognize, the truths versus the fallacies…and come to understand that there is literally no justification in fearing a “pedophile”, solely on the basis of them being a “pedophile”.

I’ve wanted to establish a public openness between “pedophiles” and everybody else…which is why I’ve been adamant about spending so much time, out on the major platforms of the common people.

Fanatics, and all who hold fanatical views against “pedophiles”, aggressively ignore and attack everything they are not expecting or wanting to hear, see or know.

One would think that supporting an organization like B4U-ACT since it’s very beginning, would establish that there are “pedophiles” willing and concerned with cleaning up their own backyard…that we are the literal embodiment, of a solution from within the “pedophile” demographic itself.

…But fanatics, and those with fanaticism in their minds, incredulously attack an organization which exists to literally assist “pedophiles” in maintaining personal psychological stability and social accountability…and they attack all who support such organizations.

They attack those who are best equipped to intervene, should a “pedophile” have a mental breakdown under the social pressure they are forced to live in…the absolute most insane thing they could ever do, if there were any truth to their claims of wanting to “protect children”.

I am fed up with the social and political blood lust, and its saturation absolutely everywhere.

…I am sick of being told I am sub-human and deserve all forms of atrocity inflicted upon me, by people who refuse to even look at me, and judge me for who and what I truthfully am…I am sick of this message being saturated everywhere…consciously and subconsciously…in the organizations you grow up in…in public media…this blood lust is even brazenly celebrated in “entertainment” for the masses.

There is this point that some hated minorities, races, etc, have managed to attain some level of social acceptance, where the masses are allowed to look upon what has happened to these viciously abused groups…see the impact…see the look in their eyes…and internalize that pain, in a type of mental and emotional solidarity…where they finally understand how awful, how unjust a fate has been inflicted upon people who were merely born into a much larger situation, entirely out of their own control.

That point of empathy…is what “pedophiles” are being ultimately denied…Even just striving for that point of empathy…that search for any sign of human decency towards “pedophiles”…is viciously attacked and denied to any who would want it.

After living this many years under these circumstances…the only circumstances I have ever honestly known…I have no rational reason, as to why I have not arrived at the conclusion that this world is simply evil, filled with evil people who relentlessly attack the innocent…because their sense of righteous authority claims they can.

Gays and Lesbians to some extent, have overcome this vicious denial…as have various racial minorities…Large portions of the population understand at the very least, that the hate spewed at these groups is not based in objective fact…but is there to injure the members of those minorities, and keep them in a place where they can be dominated and abused.

…Yet this bare minimum of humane honesty continues to be denied to “pedophiles”…what amounts to the absolute least in standards striven for, by anyone attempting to be honest, just and humane…anyone attempting to strive for integrity, and the better potentials within the human animal.

This is why I seize upon that human empathy and impose it upon the masses…

…because the masses are not just failing to recognize it…there are hoards of fanatics attempting to deny you, me, the world, any ability to recognize and exorcise that empathy.

In personal response…what I have had to say over the last two decades, as a homosexual pedophile…is a little bit about anything, that has ever made me human.