Category Archives: In Self Defense: The Life & Times of an Atheist BoyLover

The personal “book” of my life…

The Problem With Distortions…

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Date: September 13, 2020

The problem with distortions about MAPs, molestation, rape, child pornography, etc…is that they have only ever led to injury, and the chronic ineptness in social structures claimed to combat human violence.

It never does anything good, to drown these issues in hyperbole…

It objectively does no good, to lie about the vast range of people, who are in some way impacted by these issues.

The only thing you are doing, is aggravating [possibly threatening] people, who already have a life full of complications and hurdles to overcome…

…A lot of these people have suffered immeasurably, over their own lifetime…

…and they don’t need others piling on top of them, making things worse.

This is among the many reasons it drives me up the wall, to see young MAPs embracing the negative, cultural talking points…and aggressively repeating them as if they were fact…

…even attacking other MAPs who’ve been around, who’ve seen behind the curtains…

…who rightly reject those cultural talking points.

All people should be free to outwardly talk about their own experiences and issues…

…Nobody should ever generalize their own thoughts and experiences, as being those of everybody else.


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It’s All Been Part of the Journey…


ISDLogo
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Date: September 07, 2020

It’s hard to put into adequate words, what it’s meant to me as a homosexual pedophile…to have had the freedom to express myself outwardly into the world, explicitly regarding this existence…and my experiences within it.

It’s helped me to make sense of life…

…It’s helped me tremendously, to work through my own issues…and form my own, good ethics…

It’s helped me to grow…evolve…understand.

…It’s helped me put a face onto this existence…as well as various concepts…

It has helped me see the reality, concealed by the stigma.

…It’s helped me understand how cruel this world is…and…how undying hope continues to fight back.

…I’ve met some of the greatest people, along this journey.

I would not trade this existence, nor this journey, for anything.

Some may say to me…that I should feel shame over myself…over all that I have done here…

…But, seriously…Why should I?…

Presumably…they [and you] have and exercise the ability, to talk about and discuss the issues of your own life…

…I have merely been doing the exact same thing, as anybody else does.

We are not all the same…

…It’s when you encounter people like me…that you come to realize what equal rights actually mean…

There is a reason I started the Equality Foundation…and chose that name…

…My writings and media, are an embodiment of my own equal rights.


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Michael Brooks Died…


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Date: July 20, 2020

He got his start on the Majority Report with Sam Seeder…which, in my opinion, is a model for how not to produce a media show, if you don’t want to come off like a bunch of aggressive, arm twisting, well poisoning, ideologues, who cant see past their own egos…

I left Majority Report behind years ago, because I, frankly, could not stand it anymore…

I’ve encountered Michael trash talking atheists and pedophiles at least enough times, to where I consider the guy a lousy, mouthy a-hole, to be entirely honest…

Never considered fully banishing him from my blogging activities…provided he had an interesting enough guest, or topic of discussion…

…but I seriously did not like this guy, on a gut level.

He took cheap shots at underdogs, like the “best” of them.

…I felt like he came from that wing of modern “progressive” media, which exhibits all the things wrong with “progressive” media.

Hell…screw “progressive” media…

We need respectful, open minded, communicative media…what “progressive” media often fails to be.

I’m sorry the guy died…

…but he was genuinely an arrogant jerk, from what I experienced of him.

…I don’t believe in mystical karma…but the word keeps scampering through my mind, right now…the principle of what’s been earned.

…So many people who think there are “trash” human beings in this world, who it’s “right” to disparage, are going to see in a Michael Brooks, only what they want to see.

Those who personally felt the sting of his popular bully pulpit, cant see it the same.

I just really had to type this out, right now.

I don’t want to sucker punch anyone in their time of grief…

…It’s just, being on the low rungs of society, you get sick of these sorts of people…

…Karma…

You just get so sick of the supposedly “good” people in media, being that way.


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If You’re Part of the Human Race, You’re Part of My Race (Narrated)…


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Date: July 16, 2020

This selection from “In Self Defense: The Life and Times of An Atheist BoyLover…Memoirs and Ethos”, has been narrated by Rocco White. Please enjoy the listen, or read along if you like…or need to.
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01) [ FULL SESSION ] Professor Griff / #CannonsClass


“In this session of #CannonsClass, author of book “A Warrior’s Tapestry” – Professor Griff (also known as the “Minister of Information”) talks about Minister Farrakhan, Public Enemy, Hip Hop, our birth right and more.”

Melanin…The power of Melinated People?…

You can watch the entire episode to get full context [if there is any fuller context required]…The top link is to the video…the embedded video is set to start just before the few minutes I’m responding to…

I’m not sure I’ve encountered this idea of people with more melanin in their skin being more human than white people…and I really have a hard time believing there is any hard science to back it up…

I’m open to substantial evidence…but this really sounds like a lot of whooy…fantastical, mystical speaking…

I’ve no doubt people of African descent have largely been treated viciously by other humans…and in the history books, as well…I have no doubt, they have had refined cultures to be proud of…I have no doubt, they are valuable…

…I also understand, this is media meant for a certain audience…and there is a whole lot of messed up human history, underneath what is being expressed.

I don’t want to be so trite as to say, “I don’t see race”…

…but there are reasons why you never see or hear me demeaning any race…and why I never ask anyone about their race…

…I simply do not believe that biological racial differences are at all important…and I think they are among the most sad, pathetic of excuses to separate people.

I am mixed race, myself…Though, admittedly…I have had the advantage of being a mixture of Native American, German and British [three heritage that aren’t particularly stigmatized in the modern world]…If we were standing next to each other and you didn’t have familiarity with Native American physical traits, you’d probably recognize me as being white…and think nothing more of it…

…But I don’t really think of myself as part of any specific race…I’m not emotionally or psychologically tied to the white race…nor do I take it as a personal offense, when people disparage the white race…not even if I do think the act was wrong…

…If I get offended by anything…it’s that someone has been done wrong…in spoken word or action.

To me…watching that clip…what I would say to anyone who believes these things about inborn racial superiority…or who harbors anger over past wrongs…

…is that the only thing that matters…is that any hate or animosity ends with us…and there is no justification for conflict between us…You can be the brother, sister, mother, father, son or daughter who I choose, and who chooses me…and it does not matter what you look like…

…It matters that we accept and enrich each other…

I have no use for beliefs of superiority…my own [which is a laugh], or anyone else’s [which is also a laugh]…

What says everything…is whether or not we will be there for each other, looking out for each other…

…Skin color is nothing.

If you are part of the human race…then you are part of my race…We are all full blooded animals…none closer than any other to the animal kingdom…We are sophisticated apes…anything beyond this, is just branches in the evolutionary tree.


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I Support This Type of Expression…


In_Self_Defense
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Date: June 15, 2020

I support the principle, that people should be allowed and encouraged to make public expressions, such as these…

…and here is why…

While I cannot vouch for the sincerity of every accounting like this, it is safe to say they do exist…and that they are no small part of what gets classified “child sexual abuse”.

It’s been years since I’ve delved deep into the studies…but it’s been known for years, that cases with “participating victims” [aka: they pursued, protected and wanted it], who were actually pleased to be involved, accounted for 30% or more of reported cases.

This caused a massive uproar when “The Rind Report” came out, because when paired with the percentage of “CSA survivors” who had indifference to the experience, it greatly dwarfs the remaining fraction, who were traumatized by their experience.

We’re talking about roughly two thirds who were either happy or passively content, as opposed to roughly a third who were really hurt by their experience.

Now…why is this?…

Personal opinion…”the powers that be” are more focused on inflicting control, exploitation and power over “perverted” people…than they are focused on rescuing kids in peril, who actually need to be rescued.

A large part of this control, exists in suppressing and dismissing the accounts of those who either found whatever they experienced to be great, or at worst, still not troubling at all.

This creates a distorted public view, on a vast amount of what gets labeled “child sexual abuse”…and it misleads the public into believing that kidnapping, rape and murder are the dominant actions, among those charged and/or convicted of CSA.

In fact, they are not.

It always bothers me to see the positive or indifferent voices censored, or hounded into the shadows…

…because their absence distorts the public dialogue, which further distorts public perception.


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Thoughts Regarding the Transgender Movement (Narrated)…


ISDLogo
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This selection from “In Self Defense: The Life and Times of An Atheist BoyLover…Memoirs and Ethos”, has been narrated by Rocco White. Please enjoy the listen, or read along if you like…or need to.
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Date: June 11, 2020

This may not be thoroughly thought out or explained, but I wanted to type out a few personal thoughts regarding the transgender movement.

If we have eight billion people alive…then we will have eight billion unique sets of variables, which make up a human life…

Traditional “male” and “female” gender stereotypes, have always had people who deeply do not conform to them.

On some level, I don’t conform to “male”

…though I still recognize myself as male, and am comfortable with being a male, who is simply like the way I am.

I don’t recognize any special need for a pronoun, that references me.

“Males” and “females” are vastly diverse, even within their own categories…

…and the language we historically have used, surrounding these sexes and genders, came more out of practical convenience than anything else…certainly more than anything consciously sinister or intentionally exclusionary.

I recognize and accept the concept of “two spirited” people…and I do think that any healthy culture acknowledges, that the “male” and “female” stereotypes do not perfectly fit most people…and that there genuinely is an “other” category, which needs to be respected and valued.

That being said…

The “male” and “female” social paradigms exist as some sort of basis for both communication and social structure…for better, or for worse…

…and trying to discard or radically change this basis, is going to debase existing norms in communication and social structure…Something many people are not expecting, nor prepared to experience…because it debases communication and social structure, for them.

Getting back to the practicality of having a few different gender categories…

…In a sea of expanding genders…I have to ask, how it is even possible to incorporate them all into respectful, anticipated communication…there are so many, the masses have never even heard of.

…seemingly…you can make up your own [complete with a personalized pronoun] on a whim…and just declare it…and expect everybody is going to research you before expressing anything to you, in a standard social way…as if spontaneous encounters are off limits…

…lest they offend, through the sin of referring to someone “by the wrong gender”…

…a curious, sensitive offense, I dare suggest did not exist in most cultures, a mere ten years ago…

…And it’s often concerning how aggressive it’s being pushed…

…largely because it is so unreasonable and unjust, to judge people and slur them as “bigoted”, etc…because this massive monkey wrench they don’t understand has been forced upon them, and the culture they’ve lived their whole lives in…

And yes…I do view what’s happening, as primarily a movement to throw a massive monkey wrench into the establishment…

Some people don’t like the current structure, and they want to bring down something of what currently exists, and replace it with something that serves them.

I have a lot of respect, for the will and nerve to radically change things which are not optimal…or not effective…or judged not right…

Believe me…this social system has been none too good to people like me…and I cheer on the monkey wrenches…throw them liberally!

…So I do look at this movement, with some deal of genuine admiration…and I think there is substance in there, somewhere…

…I’m just never going to be comfortable with it, while it’s so ill defined and ill structured…and ill implemented.

…If anyone can even sucker punch someone as open minded and accepting as me, all because I didn’t read their bio and respectfully referred to them with a pronoun they didn’t specify…

…I’m going to take very deep issue with that, and condemn their abusive aggression.

Yes…that has happened…

…No…it’s not a good look or constructive behavior for the transgender movement.

People are not being disrespectful, when they’re just following social norms on respect.

I like the concept of the movement, otherwise.


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To Everybody’s Benefit, We Need an Open MAP Culture (Narrated)…


ISDLogo
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This selection from “In Self Defense: The Life and Times of An Atheist BoyLover…Memoirs and Ethos”, has been narrated by Rocco White. Please enjoy the listen, or read along if you like…or need to.
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Date: June 09, 2020

One Thing I Envision as a MAP Activist:

We have all these laws and programs named after children/youth who’ve been abducted…raped…murdered…

…And always masses of people blaming “pedophiles”, demanding “more” be done…

…but usually, all they mean by “more”, is for the punitive system to become even more extreme…The whole concept of cultivating a healthy society, with a healthy environment, where these things happen less, almost never crosses their minds, when they say “more”.

What I envision, is MAPs openly having their own groups…clubs…fellowships…where they regularly get together, no shame…total understanding…level status…and use these as a community…Buy, build or rent a place…Have social outings [movies, eating out, etc.]…

…Build bonds…talk about issues, social and private…have speakers come in to talk and educate…

…Take contributions, which can be used to better the “club house”, and/or be put to use through other community initiatives.

Serve as an educational foundation for MAPs, regarding all legal matters that could effect any MAP…

Serve as a community which stands in unity, and supports all of it’s members, even when they may be accused or charged of a crime.

…and keep it’s members level headed, with their minds based in reality…

There have been children/youth who’ve had terrible wrong done to them…Some fraction of those were cases where a MAP was responsible…

I continue to ask…where was that MAP at, psychologically, socially, financially, etc…that it set them down this road, to commit such an act?…

…What went wrong?…and what if there had been a support structure there, to head off these kinds of tragedy?

…What if it had never happened…and all these kids that laws and policies are named after, were thriving adults today?…

Is it somehow “not doing something”…or “not doing enough”…to build what I have described, by integrating MAPs into open society?

The current mindset and process, is a horrible failure…It failed all of the kids it perpetually becomes named after, and countless many others…

Hell…it fails MAPs…

It is time for something radically different.


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Understanding the Difference Between Pedophilia and Mental Illness (Narrated)…


ISDLogo
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Date: June 03, 2020

This selection from “In Self Defense: The Life and Times of An Atheist BoyLover…Memoirs and Ethos”, has been narrated by Rocco White. Please enjoy the listen, or read along if you like…or need to.
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Pedophilia:

Pedophilia is a biological [bodily] function.

Mental Illness:

Mental illness concerns cognitive and emotional dysfunction.

Comments:

Claiming that pedophilia is a mental illness, is akin to saying someone is mentally ill because their stomach growls when they are hungry…or because they burp and fart “to much”…or sneeze, cough and have a runny nose, when infected by a virus…

There is no conscious thought process which goes into sexual orientation…It’s just an involuntary reflex, which happens whether you want it to or not.

It is absurd to call a mental illness, what in all actuality is the body doing it’s own natural thing.

In addition…what constitutes “mental illness” is a mine field of biased subjectivity, shifting standards and, sometimes, incredibly awful ideas on proper “treatment”.

Don’t get me wrong…pedophiles can go mentally ill…but no sexual orientation is a mental illness, in it’s own right.

Possibly, many outsiders get the wrong idea when MAP’s embrace and promote mental health groups like B4U-ACT. This is not embracing the notion, that “being a pedophile means you are mentally ill”…It merely acknowledges that pedophiles, hebephiles and ephebophiles commonly face life long stressors, which increase the likelihood of any one of us developing a mental illness…And many of us believe strongly, that there should be resources available for any MAP in need of them.

Biological functions can greatly influence mental health…but they are not exactly the same thing.


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Speaking To Different Audiences and Issues (Narrated)…


ISDLogo
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Date: May 22, 2020

This selection from “In Self Defense: The Life and Times of An Atheist BoyLover…Memoirs and Ethos”, has been narrated by Rocco White. Please enjoy the listen, or read along if you like…or need to.
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Sometimes in order to effectively communicate…and to minimize hostility…you’re going to speak substantially more to the concerns, beliefs and notions of whatever audience you presently happen to be in front of…and this can noticeably “change” what you are emphasizing, and how you are presenting it…

…Sometimes, in other people’s eyes…this can make you come off seeming like a fork tongued deceiver.

For example…when out among people who are likely to be hostile and paranoid towards MAPs…I’m usually centered more around our kind nature…our abilities of self control…how we are actually not so different from everybody else…

Many MAPs seeking staunch liberation, may find my words irritating…as I speak of things like our ability to remain law abiding.

…Where as when I am among fellow MAPs, I speak more unapologetic and blunt about the realities of MAP life…and about things relevant to MAPs, which much of the outside world would likely find offensive due to it’s hair trigger temperament…and lack of empathy towards these experiences.

…And then still…when I am among MAPs who are at some place in their life, vastly different from where I have arrived after a lifetime as a MAP…I generally focus more on trying to build them up, develop goodwill and expand their worldview at least a little bit…I refrain from bludgeoning them with “sex should be free” messages…or from in any way make them feel like I am demeaning them for having negative views, vastly different from my own…

Like all of us…individuals need to take their own journey of self discovery and broader learning of the world around them…and they do this in their own time, when they are ready and feel secure in doing so.

Some people never reach this phase in their life…including many MAPs…but a lot of them ultimately do…especially once they’ve become disillusioned with the establishment…and begun to figure out how social politics of the establishment actually tend to work [in the worst ways]…and how much of their life [and that of most individuals] is defined by the barriers of outside manipulation and outside hostility…Once we discover that we are literally “trapped” where we are at, by design…this is normally a game changer for any MAP.

Am I being dishonest, or dishonestly manipulative, by taking different tones and emphasizing different things, when among vastly different people and groups?…

…I just put myself out here…and remain loyal to honest dialogue, regardless of where the focus is at…

…If the immediate issue presenting itself is anger over sex slavery, or raped children and the culpability of MAPs in it…then I think it is important to emphasize what we do know, and what we don’t know…such as, most MAPs aren’t likely to have any hand in such activities. It’s important to bring an honest perspective into these kinds of issues.

…If the immediate issue is that of another MAP, who’s been fighting the good fight all of their life…and yet, “nothing” seems to have changed or gotten better…and they are experiencing extreme frustration…I have sincere empathy and understanding, which I believe I am fully within my own right to share…and to talk about…Their frustration is valid…and I will validate it…no apologies.

…If the immediate issue is anxiety over desires and social, or “human to human”, boundaries…it is valid for people to get their thoughts out into the open…it is valid to discuss and consider what a good balance is, in a mixture of rights, desires, safety and practicality.

I’ve always been a sort of chameleon…and I am a natural empathic…

…which means I recognize people and issues, from more than one perspective…I recognize that nearly nothing is all “black or white”.

…And I realize that often…in the moment…when you are with someone who is unprepared for any sort of fundamental change…the most productive thing you can do…is focus on the immediate thing which is causing them so much trouble, or distress…and leave everything else off to the side, out of the way.

You have to understand people…and how they are complicated…and vastly different…and often different, in different moments, under different circumstances.


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Condemning “Pedophilia”: Isn’t The Evidence Overwhelming, and What Happens When It is Not?…


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May 20, 2020

If you’d have told me twenty years ago that research on “pedophilia” was intentionally skewed heavily to the negative…that a lot of concealment was happening…and that some forms of pedophilic sexual expression could be morally defended…I’d have thought you were insane…

I fully believed and accepted that “the facts were in, and established”…that averages in the broad scheme of things soundly condemned pedophilic sexual activity…and that only rare instances left people unscathed for life.

It wasn’t until I was forced to watch uproars unfolding regarding “The Rind Report”, that I had to confront and discover just how deep and corrupt the distortion gets…and it was a complete head trip for me, as a pedophile…discovering that they actually practiced, and felt a need to practice, concealment and censorship within the research, itself…

…Was sex between children and adults [or teens] not bad enough, on it’s own?…Did they need to actively darken the picture in people’s minds, to make it sufficiently intolerable?…and why?

As a pedophile…you spend all your life believing these things about yourself…eventually discovering, that you’ve spent your life being lied to…and not in small, inconsequential ways…but in ways which debase your entire perception of the world around you…of the people around you…

…And it’s all right there, unfolding in front of you…You cannot deny it…It is happening…

…How can I ever have any faith, in any system or individual who does this?

This behavior is completely without redemption.

This level and degree of social and political manipulation, should never be acceptable to anyone.

Censoring Sex Research: The Debate over Male Intergenerational Relations

I know that spending money is a lot to ask…especially $40 or more…

…but, please…if you are going to tread off into the “pedophile research” conflict…at least know and understand the environment and base issues we are dealing with, before you go picking up any stance and defending it.

That the establishment has been using the exact same practices they used against gays and lesbians, in order to unjustly smear, tarnish and imprison them, to continue doing the same to MAPs…is an absolute fact.

We are not being treated this way because we are bad, or wrong…

…We are being treated this way, because they do not consider us to be human beings…and given history, they “know” they can get away with this…

…It’s time to make a radical social change…and make them understand clearly…

…They can no longer get away with this.


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