Category Archives: In Self Defense: The Life & Times of an Atheist BoyLover

The personal “book” of my life…

Understanding the Difference Between Pedophilia and Mental Illness (Narrated)…


Date: June 03, 2020

This selection from “In Self Defense: The Life and Times of An Atheist BoyLover…Memoirs and Ethos”, has been narrated by Rocco White. Please enjoy the listen, or read along if you like…or need to.



Pedophilia is a biological [bodily] function.

Mental Illness:

Mental illness concerns cognitive and emotional dysfunction.


Claiming that pedophilia is a mental illness, is akin to saying someone is mentally ill because their stomach growls when they are hungry…or because they burp and fart “to much”…or sneeze, cough and have a runny nose, when infected by a virus…

There is no conscious thought process which goes into sexual orientation…It’s just an involuntary reflex, which happens whether you want it to or not.

It is absurd to call a mental illness, what in all actuality is the body doing it’s own natural thing.

In addition…what constitutes “mental illness” is a mine field of biased subjectivity, shifting standards and, sometimes, incredibly awful ideas on proper “treatment”.

Don’t get me wrong…pedophiles can go mentally ill…but no sexual orientation is a mental illness, in it’s own right.

Possibly, many outsiders get the wrong idea when MAP’s embrace and promote mental health groups like B4U-ACT. This is not embracing the notion, that “being a pedophile means you are mentally ill”…It merely acknowledges that pedophiles, hebephiles and ephebophiles commonly face life long stressors, which increase the likelihood of any one of us developing a mental illness…And many of us believe strongly, that there should be resources available for any MAP in need of them.

Biological functions can greatly influence mental health…but they are not exactly the same thing.


Speaking To Different Audiences and Issues (Narrated)…


Date: May 22, 2020

This selection from “In Self Defense: The Life and Times of An Atheist BoyLover…Memoirs and Ethos”, has been narrated by Rocco White. Please enjoy the listen, or read along if you like…or need to.


Sometimes in order to effectively communicate…and to minimize hostility…you’re going to speak substantially more to the concerns, beliefs and notions of whatever audience you presently happen to be in front of…and this can noticeably “change” what you are emphasizing, and how you are presenting it…

…Sometimes, in other people’s eyes…this can make you come off seeming like a fork tongued deceiver.

For example…when out among people who are likely to be hostile and paranoid towards MAPs…I’m usually centered more around our kind nature…our abilities of self control…how we are actually not so different from everybody else…

Many MAPs seeking staunch liberation, may find my words irritating…as I speak of things like our ability to remain law abiding.

…Where as when I am among fellow MAPs, I speak more unapologetic and blunt about the realities of MAP life…and about things relevant to MAPs, which much of the outside world would likely find offensive due to it’s hair trigger temperament…and lack of empathy towards these experiences.

…And then still…when I am among MAPs who are at some place in their life, vastly different from where I have arrived after a lifetime as a MAP…I generally focus more on trying to build them up, develop goodwill and expand their worldview at least a little bit…I refrain from bludgeoning them with “sex should be free” messages…or from in any way make them feel like I am demeaning them for having negative views, vastly different from my own…

Like all of us…individuals need to take their own journey of self discovery and broader learning of the world around them…and they do this in their own time, when they are ready and feel secure in doing so.

Some people never reach this phase in their life…including many MAPs…but a lot of them ultimately do…especially once they’ve become disillusioned with the establishment…and begun to figure out how social politics of the establishment actually tend to work [in the worst ways]…and how much of their life [and that of most individuals] is defined by the barriers of outside manipulation and outside hostility…Once we discover that we are literally “trapped” where we are at, by design…this is normally a game changer for any MAP.

Am I being dishonest, or dishonestly manipulative, by taking different tones and emphasizing different things, when among vastly different people and groups?…

…I just put myself out here…and remain loyal to honest dialogue, regardless of where the focus is at…

…If the immediate issue presenting itself is anger over sex slavery, or raped children and the culpability of MAPs in it…then I think it is important to emphasize what we do know, and what we don’t know…such as, most MAPs aren’t likely to have any hand in such activities. It’s important to bring an honest perspective into these kinds of issues.

…If the immediate issue is that of another MAP, who’s been fighting the good fight all of their life…and yet, “nothing” seems to have changed or gotten better…and they are experiencing extreme frustration…I have sincere empathy and understanding, which I believe I am fully within my own right to share…and to talk about…Their frustration is valid…and I will validate it…no apologies.

…If the immediate issue is anxiety over desires and social, or “human to human”, boundaries…it is valid for people to get their thoughts out into the open…it is valid to discuss and consider what a good balance is, in a mixture of rights, desires, safety and practicality.

I’ve always been a sort of chameleon…and I am a natural empathic…

…which means I recognize people and issues, from more than one perspective…I recognize that nearly nothing is all “black or white”.

…And I realize that often…in the moment…when you are with someone who is unprepared for any sort of fundamental change…the most productive thing you can do…is focus on the immediate thing which is causing them so much trouble, or distress…and leave everything else off to the side, out of the way.

You have to understand people…and how they are complicated…and vastly different…and often different, in different moments, under different circumstances.


Condemning “Pedophilia”: Isn’t The Evidence Overwhelming, and What Happens When It is Not?…


May 20, 2020

If you’d have told me twenty years ago that research on “pedophilia” was intentionally skewed heavily to the negative…that a lot of concealment was happening…and that some forms of pedophilic sexual expression could be morally defended…I’d have thought you were insane…

I fully believed and accepted that “the facts were in, and established”…that averages in the broad scheme of things soundly condemned pedophilic sexual activity…and that only rare instances left people unscathed for life.

It wasn’t until I was forced to watch uproars unfolding regarding “The Rind Report”, that I had to confront and discover just how deep and corrupt the distortion gets…and it was a complete head trip for me, as a pedophile…discovering that they actually practiced, and felt a need to practice, concealment and censorship within the research, itself…

…Was sex between children and adults [or teens] not bad enough, on it’s own?…Did they need to actively darken the picture in people’s minds, to make it sufficiently intolerable?…and why?

As a pedophile…you spend all your life believing these things about yourself…eventually discovering, that you’ve spent your life being lied to…and not in small, inconsequential ways…but in ways which debase your entire perception of the world around you…of the people around you…

…And it’s all right there, unfolding in front of you…You cannot deny it…It is happening…

…How can I ever have any faith, in any system or individual who does this?

This behavior is completely without redemption.

This level and degree of social and political manipulation, should never be acceptable to anyone.

Censoring Sex Research: The Debate over Male Intergenerational Relations

I know that spending money is a lot to ask…especially $40 or more…

…but, please…if you are going to tread off into the “pedophile research” conflict…at least know and understand the environment and base issues we are dealing with, before you go picking up any stance and defending it.

That the establishment has been using the exact same practices they used against gays and lesbians, in order to unjustly smear, tarnish and imprison them, to continue doing the same to MAPs…is an absolute fact.

We are not being treated this way because we are bad, or wrong…

…We are being treated this way, because they do not consider us to be human beings…and given history, they “know” they can get away with this…

…It’s time to make a radical social change…and make them understand clearly…

…They can no longer get away with this.


What Does It Do To a Person?…


Date: May 16, 2020

What does it do to a person who so clearly had sexual frustration issues as a child and youth…to eventually come to the discovery that avenues for addressing their sex drive have always existed for them, biologically inborn within our species…but those avenues were blocked by social and legal prohibition?


Sexual Repression: Western Sexual Ethics…


Date: May 10, 2020

01) Accepting the Sexual Self

Personally…having seen and experienced first hand, what sexual repression does to an individual [including children]…I’ve genuinely come to see the culture of voluntary child loving, as a desperately needed, social good…one that has been missing in the human species, for far too long.

What has cropped up in it’s natural place, and absence, is among the deepest of human tragedies.

So much anger and violence comes directly from sexual repression…and this kills people, in numerous ways.

Too many people are blaming the wrong things, for all the ills in this world.

Why cant people just be happy for each other, and leave each other alone, when people are happy among themselves?

It’s always got to be about control…never about trust, acceptance or letting people be free to experience life.

It’s painting people in the worst light possible, instead of allowing them to be the positive beauty they naturally have inside of themselves…That is what “western” sexual ethics are, from my experience…and I see them as primarily wicked…It’s as if they want human consciousness to be hell.

I think that’s why I am so aggressively open minded and liberal about freedom…I cannot take the soul destroying control and intolerance, nor the injuries and suffering they cause, anymore.


How Sad is the Obsessive Aggression of Twitter Antis?…


Date: March 15, 2020

Some of them are particularly sad, as they find it so offensive that we claim our own humanity back…that they openly state they are trying to force us to stop doing so.

…Truly unbelievable…

This level of aggressive intolerance is outright monstrous.

“Map Airforce” needs to seriously re-evaluate their life and ethics…They are moving down a very bad road for humanity, itself.

I will stand in solidarity with MAP Positivity.

There Is Nothing Wrong With You, For Being A Minor Attracted Person!

You Are Beautiful And Perfect In Your Minor Attraction!

Do Not Ever Change To Suit The Intolerant!


“Stop Glorifying Pedophiles”?…


Date: March 14, 2020

We pedophiles are just normal human beings, on a normal human sexual spectrum…We just happen to be at a spot which prefers prepubescent human beings.

I don’t believe taking stock and joy in the good in both life and ourselves, constitutes some unjust glorification.

It’s a simple acceptance of ourselves, and a stand that we belong in this world and matter as human beings…as a part of this world, we are valuable.

I want to know why there is this trend to compare us with “people who want to murder”…because that is just goofy beyond all comprehension.

Murder is objectively injurious, and robbing others of something irreplaceable and finite.

Even then…”wanting to” and doing are not at all the same thing.

…But why would you bring up something so absolutely devastating…when pedophiles don’t even tend to do anything, objectively bad?

This behavior is known as poisoning the well.

It is imposing a false premise upon others.


What I tell people is this…


Date: January 15, 2020

…Treat people well…

…Love people in the way they need to be loved…

…Don’t generalize your personal life experiences, to everybody else…

…And let the willing, share their happiness with each other.

Don’t kill what little joy exists.

You don’t have to understand those people who are “weird”, or “perverted”, or who have a need you don’t identify with.

You just need to be able to see, when two or more people are sharing a life enhancing benefit, from the ways they are socially different.


When people claim stuff like this, I have to ask…


When people claim stuff like this…

Date: February 12, 2020

01) On Twitter [Dead Link]

…Says Who?!

You think we have to pretend or lie, to say anything socially unexpected about the nature of our orientation?

What authority do you speak from?…Have You Lived This Experience?

My own struggles with this orientation were fundamentally rooted in the fact that I was isolated, I had no role models experiencing the same things, and alone I did not know what to do with it.

Things would have been tremendously different, if this weren’t so deeply underground.

I still came to terms with it on my own [at around the age of 20]…because I am not dumb, and I am very perceptive.

I knew by this point in my life, that all manner of bad things get claimed about “being a MAP”, which factually are just not true…They’re grossly ignorant.


People Who Follow the TOS Don’t Usually Get Banned…


Date: February 10, 2020

01) On Twitter

What is it with these people, who keep trying to make a comparison between humans legally using a platform, for it’s intended usage…and how their friends got suspended for harassing someone on the same platform?

These have unequivocally nothing to do with each other.

I keep seeing this…and it’s completely insane…It’s like…

“So, my pal was an abusive creep towards a trans person, and they got in trouble…But Those People Over There, are Following the Rules, and Nothing Has Happened to Them!..This is So UnFair!”

I’d go a step further, and point out it is actually us MAPs who are objectively being treated unfairly.

We get targeted with things like shadow bans, regularly…We typically have to censor our own voices, because our experiences and resulting worldviews are “to politically incorrect”, and if we don’t we’ll get suspended/terminated/banned…

…And there are also turds on the Twitter administration, who will take it upon themselves to screw with you, by changing settings in your account.

I had one such a-hole set three of my private watch lists onto public, so that some malefactor could grab screen shots of one of the lists…and then try to pretend it was some scandal, that I had such a list. The reason I keep lists on private, is so that zealot jackasses don’t go running around telling people to block me…and hence, nullifying my lists.

So…don’t go telling me about how “unfair” it is, that those of you out there on a tirade against minorities get yourself banned, while “Twitter protects MAPs”…

…Because that is objectively false, and a complete load of BS.