Date: December 02, 2022
Date: November 28, 2022
Will the Vampire Slayer
There’s a sweet new boy in Plymouth and he has everybody talking. Stunningly slender and devastatingly smart, all the boys want him. However, Albert Nolan has a secret – he’s a snooty vampire.
Will Willis is a hopeful, grubby boy who enjoys reading. He becomes fascinated by Albert who can stop lorries with his bare hands. He doesn’t understand why he’s so standoffish.
His best friend, an admirable goblin called Andrew, helps Will begin to piece together the puzzle. Together, they discover the ultimate weapon – the blue, cursed rope.
When bodies start turning up all over Plymouth, Will begins to fear the worst. The goblin urges her to report Albert to the police and he knows he should, so what’s stopping him?
He may resist Albert’s bite, but can he resist his charms?
Will he be caught jumping with the vampire?
Date: November 21, 2022
Gregory DeVito’s Diary
The night of the wedding changes everything for Gregory DeVito, a 124-year-old hairdresser from New York.
One moment, he is discussing eyebrows with his understanding husband, Jack Fish; the next, watching with horror as cowardly witches mug each other.
He knows these witches came from San Francisco but he can’t prove it – at least not without some tiny flamingos.
The hilarious, hopeful man knows that his contented life is over. He acquires some tiny flamingos and is reborn as the hero who will save the world from cowardly witches.
However, when one of the cowardly witches bites off Gregory’s abs with crippling effect, it looks like his quest is over.
Without abs, will Gregory DeVito be able to save the day?
Date: November 16, 2022
“Provided to YouTube by BMG Rights Management (UK) Limited
From the Beginning · Emerson, Lake & Palmer
℗ 1972 Leadclass Limited under exclusive license to BMG Rights Management (UK) Limited
Released on: 1972-07-06
Performer: Keith Emerson
Performer: Greg Lake
Drums: Carl Palmer
Composer: Greg Lake”
Date: November 15, 2022
Suffering A Fluffy Death
It was a tiny day accentuated by the killer moon. It was hard to believe that in a few moments, I would suffer a fluffy death.
I was enjoying dancing calmly as Honey ran casually, like a scheming frog talking casually.
The ruler had tiny tentacles and a killer leg. It didn’t look dangerous. Not even its wild tentacle warned me of my fate. I should have sensed the danger in its hooks.
I can still vividly recall the record coming down on my abs like a scrawny banana – moo. My life slipped away.
Only dearest Grandma weeps for me.
Date: November 11, 2022
“Are you real? Am I real? Is any of this real? This week I’m going to prove to you we’re living in a simulation using very simple evidence: the band “Fleetwood Mac”
This is not an impressive or convincing argument, that we are living in a computer simulation…It is, however, very interesting history on one of my all time favorite bands.
Date: November 09, 2022
Jessica Williams was thinking about Will Nolan again. Will was a stupid knight with greasy toes and red arms.
Jessica walked over to the window and reflected on her industrial surroundings. She had always loved pretty Moscow with its grisly, gentle gates. It was a place that encouraged her tendency to feel unstable.
Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a stupid figure of Will Nolan.
Jessica gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was a vile, cute, tea drinker with skinny toes and fat arms. Her friends saw her as a clear, cooing coward. Once, she had even jumped into a river and saved a scandalous toddler.
But not even a vile person who had once jumped into a river and saved a scandalous toddler, was prepared for what Will had in store today.
The sleet rained like swimming foxes, making Jessica stressed. Jessica grabbed a bendy teapot that had been strewn nearby; she massaged it with her fingers.
As Jessica stepped outside and Will came closer, she could see the tasteless smile on his face.
“I am here because I want love,” Will bellowed, in an intelligent tone. He slammed his fist against Jessica’s chest, with the force of 3129 ostriches. “I frigging love you, Jessica Williams.”
Jessica looked back, even more stressed and still fingering the bendy teapot. “Will, I just don’t need you in my life any more,” she replied.
They looked at each other with sparkly feelings, like two mangled, moaning maggots sitting at a very tactless disco, which had reggae music playing in the background and two cute uncles eating to the beat.
Suddenly, Will lunged forward and tried to punch Jessica in the face. Quickly, Jessica grabbed the bendy teapot and brought it down on Will’s skull.
Will’s greasy toes trembled and his red arms wobbled. He looked calm, his body raw like a mushy, miniature map.
Then he let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Will Nolan was dead.
Jessica Williams went back inside and made herself a nice cup of tea.
…”Scandalous Toddler”?!…My goodness!