[page] In Self Defense Museum



I could not restore “In Self Defense”, without bringing a look at it’s history along with it. Thus was born this small museum, providing a brief look at the past.

However “self illustrious” some may be inclined to think this page…It’s all being done in fun, and because I loved this project so much. I had a lot of meaningful, quality time and memories with this project, in all of it’s incarnations.

What follows is a handful of artifacts, and historically relevant points in time. I hope you enjoy it, as much as I’ve enjoyed sharing it.

This is a simple page…Please just scroll down and enjoy it.

The Ground Breaking:

On Thursday, June 22nd of 2006, at 12:48 PM, “In Self Defense: The Life and Times of an Atheist BoyLover” was born.

What follows is the very first post I made, breaking ground [with it’s original misspellings].


Thursday, June 22, 2006
A New Beginning…

It seems as though, life never beats you down so baddly,
that you absolutely can not take that next step.

…and, here I am, preparing to step forward, once more…

You don’t know me…but, you will…

posted by Steve Diamond at 12:48 PM


I was not certain where it would lead…I didn’t know where all the energy and spontaneity required, was going to come from…I had the barest of notions, on what to do with a blog…But almost ten years after the fact, I am overjoyed to have taken that first step in this journey.

“This” is what started it all…Including the EQ Foundation, EQ. Media, Our Love Frontier and a bunch of other stuff.

Some Comments [December 06, 2015]:

My one, great “last stand”…

“In Self Defense”, aside from being my first venture into the blogosphere, is also the first project I’ve ever taken up, which faced substantial adversity. It was a fight…but a fight that had to be fought. Neither retreat nor loss, was ever an option.

As a series, and at this moment in time…”In Self Defense” has spanned a life of nearly ten years [it’s anniversary being June 22, 2016], and four blog hosts, plus a website host. It’s acceptance and tolerance has been mixed…Though it’s hardly been thrown off every host it’s been on. It was actually quite stable, in at least two places.

As a project, it was meant to punch you right between the eyes, with an unvarnished, raw accounting of what my life as a pedosexual means…what it is like…what my morals and ethics are…how I arrived at them…my sense of self and being, in this world…what I have to say back, to what has been spoken towards me.

It’s focus, tone and candor, made it probably the most unique, personal and starkly revealing thing, I have ever done in my entire life…And it was a totally unique experience. As an online identity, I feel that I was reborn, and re-forged, through the many pages of “In Self Defense”…It was born out of a lot of turbulence and pain in my life, from many different sources…And it’s accompanied me through a large portion of my life. There are so many reasons, why it is of such dear importance to me.

I don’t add to “In Self Defense”, quite so much anymore…even though I still do write for it [and have several inclusions to post, for this very year (2015)]. I guess…in many regards, it’s already been said…and I’m concerned of repeating myself, to many times in the same project.

…I’m also losing my eyesight…After years of deteriorating health, with the world collapsing in on me…I reached a point where I could no longer set still, or let things pass as time dwindled…I had to build something tangible…something real…something that gives the most important within me, to those who can listen…something that keeps me connected and grounded.

My highest expectation…is that this project might encourage a few other pedosexuals to start telling their stories…and maybe the pedosexual voice could grow, from there. I was never looking to push a specific narrative upon pedosexuals…I was just trying to stir ideas and conversation…help form a vision, for the future.

Has “In Self Defense” lived up to this?…I don’t know…

…But I do humbly thank those who’ve been gracious, compassionate and appreciative of this project, and who’ve expressed such to me over the years. You’ve meant a lot to me. I know, often times…writing can get awful deep…sometimes dark…even badly carried away [or too wordy]…I appreciate those who’ve understood, the need for the leeway I’ve taken. It encourages me, that some have found value in what I have done with this project. It does not matter if you are the only and last of them…Because of you, this effort has been more than worthwhile.

“In Self Defense” has always been about hope, that we can all get beyond whatever separates us.

– Steve Diamond

The ISD Slogan:

…One could say, that all we know for sure,
is that which we have lived in our own lives…

…One could say, that we never really know,
those things we have never seen…

…One could say, that many a time,
emotion has betrayed honesty…

…One could say, that lifes journeys will lead
down roads of infinite paths…

These are expressions of the human experience,
from a perspective of one outcast…

My Original ISD Bio:

I have been involved with several, high profile, boylove resources, at various points in time. One high point, was my privilege to serve as assistant webmaster at a discussion board known as, “BoyChat”. I’ve also been the webmaster of no less than three, personal web sites…two dealing explicitly with man/boy love. Most recently, I departed from my place, as a volunteer at an online, suicide prevention, and community support, live chat room…a resource primarily for child lovers. After several years, I have grown and come to the discovery, that lingering with these resources, was not where I needed to be, for myself. …I was burned out…sick to death with talking about the sex issues, and rehashing what was good about people like “us”… …sick of the death threats, the beating threats, the prison rape threats, the threats of public outings and so forth. Basically, I left in disgust, after witnessing for to long the depravity of the human species, over an issue, which is far more simple, good and benign, than the psychotic reactions people have given to it, would imply. This blog, is a simple return, on my own terms…

– Steve Diamond

The Historical Look of ISD:

The ISD “Mascot”:

This little guy is one of my earliest ventures into graphics creation. I needed something to give ISD a bit of life and character…and I wanted it to represent some kind of constructive idea. I ended up finding this figurine, of a little boy reading a book. I cleaned him up, shrunk him down in size…and turned him into the header, which I sat above my “blog roll”.

I had to finally bring him along with me…and you can see him in the ISD header graphic, which sometimes shows up at the top of Our Love Frontier.

The ISD Logo:

This is the original header logo of ISD. It’s quite small, and it sat in the top center of a larger table…which included the ISD slogan.

The ISD Yule Time Logo:

As an independent blog, ISD had one holiday season…and it got festive and decorative, during that time of year. I enjoyed getting into the spirit of the season [as you can no doubt tell, today]. This is what sat at the top of ISD, during it’s first Yule Time season.

My First Blog Avatar:

This is my first blog avatar. Aside from the diamond and BLogo combination, I didn’t put a lot of thought into this…and I’d intended on redoing it. There was no significance in the letter font chosen…It’s just something that looked okay, in the moment…but seemed a bit more awkward, in the afterthought.

The significance of the diamond and BLogo…is that the diamond represents me [Steve Diamond], and the BLogo is positioned so as to look like a shadow being cast by the diamond. Kind of subliminal…but it was meant to signify my inner BoyLove emanating out from me.

The T3 Celebration Goblet:

The T3 Celebration Goblet represented not only my defiance in the face of attacks from fanatics…It also embodied my solemn promise, never to surrender.

Some people may have imagined, the Celebration Goblet was intended to mock those who were aiming to hurt this project…and to hurt me, personally…

…In all honesty…it was a firm statement, that I will withstand every single one of them [and any to come]…and I will still be standing, long after they are gone and forgotten.

The Celebration Goblet made it’s debut in the first ISD post, after ISD had been deleted by a cruel person on the BlogSpot administration…It is a symbol of the first “rise from the ashes” of ISD…

A more subdued version of the Celebration Goblet, was incorporated into the “Diamond Raw” sub-blog banner.

The EQF “ISD Archive” Comment Book:

When I left the “free hosting” blogosphere, I opened up the EQ Foundation website…which hosted an archive of ISD. I used a free commenting system, that would allow people to still post responses to my ISD posts. This graphic is what you would click on, in order to bring up the comment posting form.

It’s a part of the ISD Archive set…which had a look, distinctly different from the original ISD blog.

N’s Memorial Candle:

This memorial candle was originally featured on Steve-D’s Midnight Zone, my first real website. It marked the tragic passing, of a boy I knew. With SDMZ no longer being online…I reposted that memorial at ISD.

This was the only memorial associated with ISD…I adored N, and was heartbroken upon learning of his death.

Embossed BLogo:

I have a tendency to bring forward with me, relics of past projects…just sort of “legacy” bits and pieces, to carry on a bit of the past and tie things together…And the Embossed BLogo, is another such relic. Originally, this was also on Steve-D’s Midnight Zone…and then took up residence, on the EQF “ISD Archive”.

I don’t even know why I embossed the BLogo…but it’s something I did years and years ago…and deciding it looked pretty good, I used it at my website(s).

The Category Structure:

This is my category structure…I was separating my posts into different categories, each of which is explained below. Each post would get one of these graphics included with it, to signify what was intended by it.

In some regards, this may have been a precursor to my “sub-blog” system, today.

Rebuild ISD Reborn:

This is a copy of the original top section of “In Self Defense”, as it appeared on BlogSpot.

The original intent for this section of the museum, was to faithfully rebuild a copy of the original blog, as it looked at it’s high point…But, issues got in the way, so I decided to settle with just a capture of the top portion.

I may eventually make a PDF of the blogs main page, but I need to do that with a different PC.

In Self Defense Reborn 2016:

2016 is the official year, “In Self Defense” opens up again. I made a media file, to announce this joyous occasion.

…And that is all, for now. If I find more to include, this museum may be expanded in the future.

– Steve Diamond

In Self Defense Index