When You Realize You Are a “Pedophile”
This might not have ever occurred to many readers…
…but just because we happen to be “pedophiles”, this does not mean that we are devoid of a full range of typical human character traits…
Many of us, just like “you”, have a need to make meaning of our own personal lives…And so much that is integral to this journey, entails exploring who we are and those things in this world which attract us…We need to understand ourselves, and the world around us…Sometimes in this journey there is a harsh and dangerous struggle…and we must stand up, and demand justice for ourselves…If we do not, then we are simply left adrift…and then we are nothing but specters and ghosts, alienated by a world of manipulation, smoke and mirrors.
There is, in fact, no central place where you can turn to, when you discover that you are a “pedophile”…There is no designated “starting point”, when you are attempting to figure out yourself and your place in this world…Much of the knowledge and experience you pick up, is cumulative over a wide time span and a vast array of content and life experience. There is no wonderful book or manual, to guide you through any of this.
Live peer support structures, which can grant a greater perspective while passing along knowledge and wisdom, are few and far between…if you can stumble upon one, at all.
It is entirely fair to say…that our simple pursuit of knowledge, belonging and meaning, has been severely crippled…because of the ways in which so many things central to who we are, have been made either outright illegal…or are horribly stigmatized and taboo…Hence, pushing virtually everything that is most poignant to these major aspects of our lives, “out of reach”…or making them incredibly dangerous, to know…to genuinely, truthfully know.
Many people get the idea…that you are wicked or evil, for needing this personal pursuit…this resolution…When if we are being honest…this is only us, being faithful to the exact same drive everybody faces in life…It is just tailored to our personal set of character traits, and orientations…because it is “our” journey…It is our time, our chance, to confront and work through our particular issues.
…When we are denied this…when we are denied knowledge about ourselves…when we are denied the opportunity to even just live natural lives, and have the experiences which come naturally to us…this is such a deep form of rape and devastation, that it cannot be adequately summarized in words…A life under this storm cloud, cannot be lived or fully realized…There can be a lot of anger, that comes with being treated in this manner…especially when you come to realize that it is happening to you…realize that there is far more out there, than what they are telling you…and understanding, their opposition to deeper knowledge can get outright violent.
…You feel intimidated, over just finding out and knowing who you truly are…as a human being…as an individual…Yet, you still need it…and nothing is going to change this point…and it brings still deeper anger, with a sense of personal injustice, that you are even being forced into this sort of a situation.
Discovery and the knowledge you hold can become it’s own form of curse, especially when you cannot even openly talk about it, without endangering yourself in a wide array of ways…You feel like…you are one amongst an infinitely tiny minority, which understands the realities of life as a “pedophile”…Yet when you make yourself available to the public in good faith…when you try to separate the sound information from the bad…when you attempt to infuse some degree of sane balance into the discussion surrounding people like you, and the many unique issues we face in this world…you really start to understand, just how bad the human species gets…how selfish…how self centered…how arrogant, contemptuous and abusive, the human species can become.
…There is this scene in the movie “Highlander 2″…where they travel up a mountain, above the clouds…and discover that the ozone atmosphere has actually repaired itself, and it is perfectly fine to stand in the sunlight…not dangerous at all…but the corporation which is profiting from the masses not knowing this, has done everything within its own power…to make certain that nobody ever comes to understand, their service is no longer needed…They were providing a sort of atmospheric shield to protect people from the suns rays, in the previous face of a failing natural ozone…
…Often times…I feel like I am one of those scantly few people, who has gotten above the clouds…who has discovered to a large degree, what is concealed on the other side of these clouds…so my knowledge is no longer limited in scope, like that of most people…And I still have to contend with a world full of people, whose vision and understanding are limited by those clouds…which they are unable, or unwilling, to rise above.
Those who are pioneers in these types of social struggle, can tell you how isolating and frustrating this is…I can also tell you, how isolating and frustrating it is…
You feel like you are a sincere, honest and sane person…in a field full of mindless, hungry zombies, who can’t see past the dogma and hyperbole.
This is why I am so adamant about everything being openly on the table, for everybody to witness and judge for themselves. The “pedophile” minority has been outright raped and devastated, by these tactics of prohibition and censorship…These tactics, have robbed us of our rightful social identity…In the absence of such, some have gone wild, making up all manner of rotten stories about us.