In Defense of Blogging
Note for those unaware: BL = BoyLover and GL = Girl-Lover…This is a statement I wrote, from a while back.
I’ll keep this relatively brief, because I really don’t want to get dragged too far down into this issue…but, there is something, which I have wanted to respond to, for quite a long time…ever since the accusation was levied against me, by an aggressive critic on BoyChat…
This blog [Our Love Frontier] has been demeaned in the past, by one rather loud and abusive BoyChatter…They also went so far, as to personally dismiss all that I do here [and presumably elsewhere, on the internet], as being about nothing but personal “ego”.
I’m not going to haggle over definitions of “ego”, nor over the presumed context this BoyChatter was employing the word…I will, however, say the following…
I have never engaged in any online endeavor, with expectations of receiving praise for it. I’ve never expected to be hailed, as a leader amongst BoyLovers, or Child-Lovers…I’ve never aspired to be seen, as a trend setter…nor have I ever wanted to be looked upon, as a major focal point.
I don’t want the weight of responsibility, nor the extreme scrutiny, which comes along with being a BL/GL “celebrity”…I don’t want anyone, to be under the impression, that representation of the BL/GL voice, somehow rests upon “me”…and I especially want to make it clear, that I personally reject that notion, and have never held such a viewpoint.
I don’t consider my words, to be above those of others…nor my rights to expression, to be above the same rights of others…
I simply recognise a cause, in need of people with conviction to do something about it.
…To me, for many many years, now…it has simply been too unbearable, to set by in silence, and say nothing…That is like additional psychological torture, to me.
Very admittedly…writing [blogging, etc.] has filled a number of personal needs for me…and I do not, at all, feel obliged to apologize for this point…but, it is also an ethical public stand, both in action and practice.
It is something, which I very much want to see thousands of us BLs/GLs doing…and it would be wrong of me expecting others to do this, if I’m not even willing to do it myself.
…I would be overjoyed, to be lost in a sea of BL/GL voices…Understand, at least this much.
…I want to see our many, varied and valuable voices/incites as BLs/GLs, fanned out and spread into the larger social arena. Part of my own dedication to this end goal, rests in doing this very same thing, myself…as an individual BoyLover, with many other personal traits and incites [as an atheist, and humanist, for example]…
In addition, exercising a level of personal control [which has been afforded to me, by writing, blogging, producing media/music, etc.], has acted as a tremendous personal pressure valve…the likes of which, I cannot begin to place a measurable value upon. At times, I have needed this desperately, for my own personal stability…Again, I will never apologise for this…to anyone, at all…I did not, at any point in time, choose to live in this world, under these ruthless circumstances…What I have chosen to do here [and elsewhere], is my peaceful method of coping with the savage world around me.
…Is this honestly, such a trespass, against anyone at all?…
Most especially, I wish the ugly, nasty terrorists who have interfered with my projects in the past, possessed the intelligence to understand, the true gravity of their cruel, senseless and indefensible actions against me…There was never any justice or integrity in those assaults…They worked to maliciously steal something from me, which was critical to me, especially at that point in my life…Yet, this made things all the more clear, as to why it is so absolutely important, to defy these nasty, abusive terrorists…and to keep getting back up, louder and stronger, every time you are knocked down.
There is no reward, for cutting me down or injuring me…and I always get back up, because people like us need to always get back up…We cannot afford, not too.
To that group of hate filled terrorists, who explicitly chose me as their official third target, some five plus years ago…I represent, one of the scantly few, and oldest, of their targets…who has not merely escaped being destroyed by them…but who has thrived, even under many years of their obsessive assault…I am the one…who stands here, representing a huge middle finger, in the face of those terrorists…and, yes…considering how nasty they got, I do take considerable satisfaction, in this.
I stand here, now…because I have taken back my equality, as a human being…and I wont be denied this.
…If “that”, is what anyone wants to call “ego”…then fine…very well…
In addition, I’d also like to point out…I am a writer…Maybe, not a terribly great writer, but it is a fundamental part of me…If I had never discovered other BLs/GLs, and never came to self identify as a BoyLover…I likely still would have gone through the whole process, of learning to build websites, eventually taking up blogging, producing media, etc, etc…I’d just be doing it under a different persona, because these activities have been both fun, and meaningful to me…
…As it happens, the only long term persona I have ever maintained online, has been an openly BL one…and after some 13+ years, a lot of personal bits of me [my expression and creativity], just sort of come along with me, and present themselves…You’re in my realm now, where a wider range of “my” depth and expression, can be shared [as opposed to more structured forums, like BoyChat]…
Personally, I think it is great for us to have this opportunity…to not just share thoughts through words on a screen…but, to go even deeper…to share various levels, of ourselves…I am very oriented towards sound [as opposed to just text], for example…It’s why I like creating, and incorporating, media…and just creating new things.
If this generally positive and whimsical aspect about me is in any way offensive to someone…then, I honestly don’t even know what to say to that…other than, such a person is almost certainly suffering, from some strange mental illness.
…and I will not apologise, to that small, loud and burdensome few, who hold a hard to fathom grudge against me…on the grounds that I am simply out here, expressing and sharing different things.
All in all…I’ve anticipated a wide range of responses, to my sites and blogs online…and I have received, all the general types of responses [supportive, abusive, kind, threatening, apathetic, etc.], over the many, many, many years I have been doing this [which goes back to my earliest days online, in the late 90’s]…So, a bit of nastiness, hardly throws me for a loop, anymore…if it ever honestly did [though, I’ve had periods, where it has impacted me worse]…
I understand the wider limitations of what I do…Nobody has to point them out, rub them in my face…or call me “an insignificant insect”, as some type of comparison.
…The ridicule and demeaning, is utterly useless…and I honestly just feel sorry for those amongst us, who are apparently living in such a dark place themselves…that this kind of bile spews out of them, in response to people and things, which are generally good.
…but, there will always be people who try to tare down, those who attempt doing anything good…It’s just part of the complex, social equation.
I accept this, and look beyond it.
Finally, I want to re-post something here…It is a response I made a few hours ago, to a commenter on [a previous version of] this blog…I think it really fits well, in this post…especially, if you want a bit more incite, as to why I even stay out here…and remain active, with projects like this.
I expect to stay the course, to the best of my ability, for as long as I am capable of doing so.
While it can never be clear, exactly how long this will be, I feel like there are much too many things, still left unsaid…
I just wish more people “like us”, would join in and give their own voice to the dialogue…irregardless, of whether they agree with me, or not.
As a minority, we need to become comfortable, with exercising and exerting our voices, and the power that we do still hold. We need to collectively understand, that we do have the right…and nobody has the right, to force us into silence.
Irregardless of the issues discussed…this is primarily, why I continue to write and blog.
I just wish, we still had a vibrant, blog/website community…like we did years ago…
What some [including a few hostile critics] don’t seem to understand, is that this isn’t honestly so much about “me” [even if I do find personal contentment, in this activity]…It’s about fostering alternative dialogue, and asserting different viewpoints…and spreading a message, that it’s okay to be different, and it’s okay to think outside the box…It’s also okay, to express views different from the majority…even if they are controversial viewpoints.
It actually takes a lot out of me, to maintain this blog [and other blogs, also].
When I came on board, as a blogger…I merely joined an established community, of BL/GL bloggers…There were quite a number of great blogs, by these others, and it made for a great presence, representing people like us, online.
I know, some of them are still out there…but, it just feels so quiet, anymore.
…I wish we had that back…I’d most like to see that return…
I really loved the solidarity, bonding and psychological boost, that came with having all of these voices [our voices] out there.
All the best…