My Nomadic Existence

My Nomadic Existence In The Blogosphere… By chance, maybe you have noticed…I sometimes make reference to my previous blogs and websites, as well as my mountain of content. Depending on when you have discovered me, you may be looking around and saying to yourself, “This guy cant be much of a blogger, if he’s got so little content here”…and “Where is all this other content?”… Let me briefly walk you down, the disorienting and demeaning road I have been forced to travel for the most part, ever since I took up blogging back in 2006… I have had several thriving, healthy blogs…each leading to quite a lot of unique content, on their own. Depending on who you asked…their reputation ranged from “highly recommended” to “complete garbage”…This is primarily because of the socially polarized nature, of many of the topics I breached, questions I asked, assertions I made and my plea for an open mind… I am many things…but I think the main thing most people who are hostile towards me fixate upon, is the fact that I am a pedosexual homosexual man…which means, that I am sexually oriented towards young boys…I accept and embrace this part of me, even though I do live a sexually celibate life [and long ago, pledged to live within the boundaries of the law]…I reject and fight to bring down, the pedophile stereotype…as well as stigmas surrounding human sexuality, and the mindless shame and suffering which accompany them. I do not hide the fact that I am a BoyLover, because it is an indispensable part of who I am…This is the only life I have known…and it is part of what has shaped me, bringing me to this point in my life…Being a BoyLover [Child-Lover] is one catalyst in my life, which has revealed deeper incite and greater wisdom in my life. I believe…the BoyLover’s [and Girl-Lover’s] experience, is important and relevant not only on a personal scale…but to the world around us…There is so much we can contribute…and there is so much, people do not know about us…There are so many ugly stereotypes and stigmas, which do not even accurately represent us. We deserve both dignity, and respect…and to be seen as a part of the wider culture. There have been people, who have treated me very harshly, abusively and unfair with extreme prejudice…for doing nothing more than sharing my life experiences, my thought processes…my ideas, criticisms and questions to ponder…what for me, is nothing more than raising awareness to social issues, and exercising my right of public dissent…and opening the door to public discussion…It is clear, that some have chosen to punish me, because my own experiences and conclusions do not mirror a politically correct social script… …Like so many others out there [whether they acknowledge it openly or not], the things I have learned through many venues and my own experiences over many, many years…do not bring me to the “safe” and narrow conclusions, which most people tend to parrot…usually repeated uncritically, and under threat of rebuke and persecution if they do not. For decades of my life…I have been asking the question, “Why are people allowed to claim any ugly thing about us which they please, or threaten and abuse us without consequence or care for accurate truth?…Where as, an actual pedophile is nearly always censored, is never allowed to be seen for the human they are, and they risk their very life by coming out into the open, even if only to attempt talking sense into others?”… Social paranoia and phobia, have hijacked my identity as a human being…and I am not okay with this [nor should I be expected to be]…If you are not like me in this way, then you likely have no idea what this kind of existence puts people like myself through…What society puts us through, often forces our lives to become dark, grueling and painful…crippled, even…a life, for which you have to have an uncommon personal strength, just to survive. I have a lot of personal anger at society, which I think is entirely justified…and though I keep this at bay most of the time…sometimes it shows through, in my writings…or my media projects of the past…Yet I bite my tongue, 99% of the time, in the interest of making my projects kind and inviting…even in the face of abusive onslaughts. Though a few people have attempted to summarize my writing [media, etc] as “sex obsessed”, or “a plot to have sex with children”…anyone familiar with my writing, etc, can tell you human sexual issues only account for a small fraction, of my larger body of work…My larger focus, has always been on human rights [which I do, also recognise for pedophiles]…especially as of more recent years…and the range of topics I’ve had, has been wide spanning. My goal, is for people to understand that I am a human being like anybody else…and to be accepted, as such…and treated as such…I want to break down social barriers and misunderstandings…bring people together. I hope that others who are like me, might be inspired to join in and exercise their own voices, also. I cannot take it anymore…living in silence, in this world society has forced upon me…Which is why, I decided many years ago…to start talking back, and doing something about it. Isn’t this what we are supposed to do?…talk things through, and hold a dialogue? I know I will never be able to find the right words, to express just how deeply impacted I have been…or how deep this drive runs with me…but now that [I hope] you have some idea of what motivates me, let me close this by saying the following… …I have found tremendous personal value [and a deeply necessary outlet], in being able to blog and express myself online…I have mostly enjoyed blogging, on three different services…Two of these services have grossly discriminated against me…At one, I was maliciously targeted, hounded, threatened and harassed [including by website administration, who refused to stop deleting my blogs, irregardless of content]…I was there, for roughly a year…At a second, the service itself simply had a lot of technical problems, and eventually ceased to be…This accounted for most of another year of blogging…The third, which I’ve been at for over two years, simply locked my main blog and refused repeated requests to tell me why, or allow me to rectify anything. So much of what I have written and placed online is not available, quite literally, because nameless and faceless people have maliciously targeted me, and refused to have any sort of dialogue with me…Instead, knocking down whatever I build in an attempt to hurt me and run me off. I structure my blogs, a bit more like a typical website…and despite personal health problems to make it difficult…I put an awful lot of time, work and love into my blogs…It is no simple or quick thing for me to recreate what I previously had, on a brand new blog…and I’ve still never successfully gotten even all the contents of my very first blog, back online… Eventually, I hope to get all of my old blog content back online, as well as content from a few old websites of mine…and a wealth of other content, which I never got to post…Rough estimate…If I could have everything I have on hand ready to post suddenly appear on the same blog, it may very well exceed 1000 posts…but there is so much groundwork, setting up categories, pages, uploaded files and graphics…blog design…before you can even focus on post content. I have cycled through this process, three times now…and it always makes a mess…It always breaks your flow…It always forces you to reorganise…It always wastes a lot of your time, just getting back to where you were…Consequentially, I am a very active, creative [and some have even said prolific] blogger…But you may very well not know this, because of the extreme amount of abuse and censorship I have faced. Still, I continue to get up and move forward…because this world will not break me…and my cause is both noble and worth it… …and I am more stubborn when I set my mind to something, than you will ever know… – Steve Diamond