My Renegade Phase?

My Renegade Phase? So…You think “you’re” offended, huh?… It astounds me…all the people who believe that Child Lovers and Teen Lovers, have no right to be outraged and angered at the wide range of ways they are maltreated… Yes… …There is an obvious underlying anger, within much of my earlier blog writing…most notably, “In Self Defense” and the first incarnation of “Our Love Frontier”, showcase this… I wanted to write something to explain this…and try to give it a context, so that those who were not there might come to understand the very long term, habitual provocation I was responding too…and reacting too… These are not the pretty, polished and professional image, by which most of us would like to be known…but they are sincere reactions, to real problems…And when being nice does not work, sometimes you just have to start speaking truth, and making it clear just how Absolutely Not Okay it is that things are this way…And sometimes, this entails very deep, very strong…and even very dark, emotion… …This is why, that sort of content and expression is present in those writings… What follows, is something I wrote…in attempt to let new readers know, how it is that a substantial amount of swearing and anger found it’s way here, via my older content as I re-post it… I think the anger, itself, was important to the message…Without it, a tremendous amount would have been missing…and the words would have been hollow. I don’t know that I am entirely happy with what I wrote below…but, I’m publishing it anyway. The beginning days of “Our Love Frontier”, were born from the ashes of a very bitter experience with Blogspot…And this is why, sometimes, you will find an instance of “four letter vulgarity”, used to describe the actions of others…and the people behind those actions. It is incredibly frustrating, being treated like you are not even a human being…and being treated with such contempt…Someone at Blogspot simply deleted a ton of my writing and work, refusing to even justify why…While at the very same time, refusing to do anything about a dangerous hate group, that had been stalking and harassing me [amongst many others]. “I” was never the source of the problem, and this person focused their efforts, maliciously, towards the wrong target…I ended up leaving Blogspot, specifically because of that malicious individual…They refused to stop deleting my blogs, no matter what content was on them. …If nothing else…the “four letter” expletives are genuine…As I’ve been given, far and away, more than enough reason to be angry at a handful of others. Anger is not a dominant theme, which I want to express here today…Though, at that point in my life, it was a much larger part of my life…I’ve since moved on, and tried to distance myself from it…Yet, I feel it would be wrong, to censor it from my past…because the anger and bitterness, is a pivotal and indispensable part of so much of my writing, and what I was expressing…back in 2006 through 2009, anyway…Anger and outrage have their place…and the anger and outrage of a BoyLover is not only a valid subject…I think, the deafening silence of it’s absence, is a crime against humanity. …No grievance, should exist in silence… When I started writing “In Self Defense: The Life and Times of an Atheist BoyLover…”…it tore open a whole other, unexpressed side of me…Or, it was actually a wide range of experiences preceding this, and several I’d gone through over the previous year and a half, which changed me…And “In Self Defense”, was the vehicle which allowed me to express this…begin working through things… This is why I was so angered, by these senseless attacks…There I was, writing to myself [It’s not like anyone else was paying attention], when some group of mentally deranged lunatics decided they were going to obsess over what I was doing, in my out of the way corner of the internet…They acted with malice, to destroy what was a personal outlet…and at a time in my life, when I most critically needed it [though today, such a time will likely never pass for me]…You try to be nice and diplomatic…but they are just out for blood. The only thing they needed to do…was leave me the hell alone…I was already running out of steam, before the first malicious deletion…I would have moved on eventually…and likely, the EQ Foundation, Our Love Frontier…EQ Media…These likely never would have even come into being, had I not been pushed like this. …This is what has galvanized me…being assaulted, at such a low and vulnerable point in my life, by people who lack the decency to even treat you like a fellow human being…And this experience, is why I occasionally do come back to this issue, and those people…Some may say, “It was just a blog…Get over it!”…But it was a ton of work…It was pouring out something so personal, and laying myself bare to the world…And till this day…I still have not gotten the entirety of it back online…It was more…It was much, much, much more… In many ways…the emergence of “In Self Defense”, was the death of “old Steve-D”…a mild mannered, soothsayer who tried to spread wisdom and balance…and it was the birth of “Steve Diamond”…a BoyLover who’s had enough of societies B.S….a BoyLover, who was going to stand up for himself and defend himself…without apology…making a place for himself…forcing his own voice, into the discourse…taking the stage…Because nobody else is ever going to give these things, to people like him…and left to the efforts of outsiders…BoyLovers [and Girl-Lovers] will remain an unseen minority, suffering in silence. To my mind…this was my “renegade” phase… …I wouldn’t exactly imply, that I’ve gone “full circle”…after all, to much has changed in the world…and the impact, has left deep marks…But with my move to Blog.com [in 2010], I put a real effort into re-harnessing much of the “old Steve-D”…because he’s not entirely dead…and I’ve grown weary, of dwelling on the past… …So, it’s a new day… …Not one, where the past is forgotten…but one, where the past does not dominate the future… Despite some of the uglier moments of the past…I will continue to write as I always have [including the silly stuff]…I will continue to create and release music, and other media content…I will do as I’ve done in the past…mostly patterned after my Blog.com days…Which, I think, were actually quite good and positive. Am I still a “renegade”?… …I don’t know…I tend to think, I’m just a human being, who has been pushed well beyond his own limits, to cope with all the insanity going on around him… I don’t step out and speak so much because I want to…or because I want to be a spectacle…I do it, because it is far too painful a torture by refraining from reaction. …The loonies who are driving this crazy train through our culture…They need to be taken to task, held accountable…and where competence is lacking…removed from control. We of sound mind, have an enormous amount of work ahead of us. – Steve Diamond