Monthly Archives: March 2008

I Cannot Tell a L.I.E.

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Date: March 25, 2008

This is a comment about the “pedophile” character in the movie “L.I.E.”

“Big John” has always come off to me, as being just a human character, who is forced to live and deal with his own sexual orientation, in a world where it is neither politically safe nor convenient to have said sexual orientation.

Life is not ideal. “Good” people sometimes do “bad” things…”Bad” people sometimes do “good” things…

It really is a balancing act…and where there is a lack of any constructive and positive outlets for something so basic as a person’s sexual orientation…it will still manifest itself, only it is more likely to be in ways which are severe…sometimes violent, aggressive…maybe even cruel.

This is really just a form of personal distress…a lashing out, because…well, when “you” are constantly under threat and attack by the world around you, you’ve had something torn out of your life and robbed of you…You have lived a life of being violated on so many levels (nearly every?), by the world in which you live…

At some point in time, many rejected outcasts no longer feel obliged to conform to “social norms”, legally enforced or not. Many have already lived a life, “squeaky clean” of breaking laws…and that didn’t get them to far…So, why bother giving respect to a social system, which does not respect you as a human being, your humanity and your human rights?

That is a very typical problem that MAA’s have to deal with on a personal level.

Given that so many of us are isolated to ourselves, it is no wonder that many make up their own rules to live by.

I’d never condone everything “Big John” did…but on the other hand, in the name of honest fairness…I can not consign him to the status of being “natural born evil”, either.

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August Rush: A Wonderful Movie…

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Date: March 25, 2008

In this movie, Freddie Highmore is at a second high peek in beauty, cuteness and sexiness…in my eyes, anyway. I think it is the longer hair (the longest I’ve seen on him in any movie), which really brings this out.

I love the movie, and debated over picking it up last night, when I passed it in a store…

It is awkward seeing how much he has changed, just between the making of August Rush, and Spiderwick Chronicles…

…He is growing out of my range of attraction…and that is just so damned depressing…I’ve swooned over him for years…long before many BL’s were talking about him…

I’ve gone to see movies, solely based upon the fact that “he” was in them…never been disappointed by this strategy, either…

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Video Games and Censorship…


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Date: March 16, 2008

Note: I wrote this piece quite a long time ago, but it never got posted anywhere…Of course, I realize there have been “stand out” games, all along…but, as I was seeing things back then, those games were in the shrinking minority. As the gaming population has aged, it does seem that the “mature” market is getting healthier…and it’s probably not quite so much the gamble making a game for this demographic today, as it previously has been…Plus, a lot of aging gamers are having kids, and realize how outrageous the ratings system can be…So, they blow it off and buy for their kids [maybe even share/play the game with them], anyway. It should be noted, that despite the previous scourges against the video game industry, “mature” games seem to have weathered the storm…I post this piece, regardless…Just because, I think it is worth expressing…and I still think it is relevant.


Some people might ask…”Stevie, why are you talking about video games?”

Video games do not consume much of my life these days (I don’t have the time), though my teenage years saw me through many SSI and Origin RPGs…amongst others. Till this day, I remain a bit of a “collector” in this arena. They hold much nostalgia, and memories of good times, for me.

Even though I am more likely to snatch up old, hard to find games, than I am to buy a new release…I still remain attentive to what is going on in the industry.

To me, video games are a “trade off” form of entertainment…I don’t spend hours of my life watching the television…I do other things…every now and then, it is a video game.

How does this old pastime tie into the general theme of things I talk about?…

Way back in the day, I used to love video games…role playing games (RPGs) in particular. They used to be so innovative, raw and savage…This was part of their beauty. They could honestly be what they were intended to be (within the technological limitations, of course)…and everyone had access, so long as they could afford the game.

I bought at least a few titles when I was legally a minor, which broached issues that likely would have gotten the game a “mature” rating, had the game been released in todays market…and this freedom was the greatest things…It allowed the industry to be true to itself, and put out some great games.

…but, like so many others…I’ve been watching over the years, as this troubling movement has set up and taken over…encroaching onto the video game industry…

I sometimes make the comparison…that the early era of gaming was akin to “Conan the Barbarian”…where as, current times find us dealing with “Conan the Destroyer”…

One of these movies is honestly good, with raw enticing characters and humor…There is a dark atmosphere which you can honestly sense and appreciate…

…The other is a pathetically watered down sequel, barely worthy to be associated with the first movie…and created to be a “family friendly” movie that appeals to the masses. The inequality is stark…and there is no question as to why another sequel was never made.

Much the same thing is going on today, in the video game industry. It is being forced into conforming to someone’s subjective idea of “family friendly”, and in some cases, games are even being called “dangerous” to families…or “dangerous to kids”.

This has resulted in an enormous amount of mindless censorship, and the video game industry has suffered for this.

A lot of the themes are exactly the same in this movement, as the movement which constantly launches assaults against child lovers…In fact, I consider them to be subsections of the same movement…

It is a movement of censorship, thought control and intolerance…and the only people happy about it, are those trying to enforce censorship, thought control and intolerance…

The following is a response I wrote, to the question of whether or not sex should be in video games…

I just find it intriguing (like many others, I’m sure), that games can be jam packed with the vicious snuffing out of life (even in cartoon games aimed at kids) and get little attention, while the very human sharing of pleasure and potential creation of life is considered to be, “the most obscene”. The fact that this alarms people should be a red flag, pointing towards the failures of our culture, in dealing with this aspect of human life.

Is love and new life not positive and good? Is killing not the bad element? Priorities are incredibly strange, when it comes to this topic. I am thinking, they go after the sex content worse, because younger kids are likely to get ideas from it, and wont be as reluctant to refrain from trying them out on their own, as they might be of going on a murderous rampage.

I’ve hated this trend for years, however.

I come from the gaming era of the Commodore 64, when video games really were in “the wild west” of technology. The graphics were bad, but there were no limits on the stories you could put into a game, or the very premise of a game, and it was freely available to anyone. I grew up in that arena, and that is how I like it, and believe it should be.

Today’s video games are overwhelmingly neutered, softened, dumbed down and “made for kids” (by the judgment of a subjective board), based upon a social sex panic, and extremely rare instances of “worse case scenarios” coming true. This has been bluntly pushed forward with propaganda and fear mongering, by a minority who prove beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the McCarthy era lives on in the hearts and minds of many.

I don’t specifically “want” sex/nudity in a game, but it really, really bothers me when a game maker bows down to the demands of a ratings board, because the threat to their livelihood if they do not, is very critically substantial.

I disapprove of ratings boards meddling in the quality and atmosphere of games, in such a manner. This has really hurt the game industry, in my opinion. As an older gamer, you feel like there is nearly nothing out there to compare with what you grew up playing.

A lot of people wonder why many of us refer to a time, so long ago, as “the golden era” of gaming, and this is why. It was free of inhibition, and the stories were original and great. The atmospheres were as dark and raw as you can imagine, and nobody was trying to stop this.

What today’s ratings boards do, is funnel the gaming industry towards the simplistic and the safe, the uncreative and boring. The kind of games “I” would place into a system, and soon feel embarrassed should anyone discover that “I” am playing such a title.

I think back even just to the mid 1990’s, with games like Daggerfall, with it’s famous naked temple harems (the low quality “naked women” graphics), a very novel and wonderful addition to setting the tone of atmosphere in the game. These kinds of simple additions are priceless and beautiful. It’s predecessor, Morrowind, would not touch nudity in any way, because the rating it would get for simple nudity (of any form) could have isolated the game from much of it’s intended audience. Daggerfall came out before all of this ratings insanity befell us, which is why it could employ such content, in such a gloriously successful and tasteful way. Morrowind is where this edgy, gritty element, which helped make The Elder Scrolls series so great, was torn from the mix, and the series has been made lesser for these kinds of losses.

Any one thing is not a critical “deal breaker”, but when you add up all the ways they intentionally avoid controversy, in order to “do the dance” and please outsiders who hold subjective power over them, it is really very, very frustrating.

I am really very, very tired of seeing this happen with games, in order to appease a ratings board (likely not even made up by gamers).

Now, a lot of people will point out that these kinds of games “can” still be made, and the ratings board does not stop this…which is true enough…but the ratings board, by it’s very existence and the power it wields, can not avoid being a critically negative impact on this industry, because it controls the marketability of every single game on the market…

The people making games do so, to gain maximum profit…more so, than for the sheer glory of creating a masterpiece which pleases the fans. If their ability to gain sustainable income has been inhibited, this negatively effects their ability to even remain in the video game industry.

…Hence, unless they have enough wealth to sustain themselves and do as they please, regardless of how their game sells…They are going to be taking the ratings guidelines into serious consideration, and making a game which adheres to those guidelines, in order to aim towards the most profitable segment of the market…

…and games with a mature rating (or “adults only”), are very substantially limited, by the simple fact that a vast amount of the gaming fan base can not legally buy them…and many adults/parents will see the rating, and refuse to buy the title for their kid(s)…

…As it turns out, those who the “mature” rating was intended to signify, make up a minority in the over all gaming base…

…So, the industry has become very lopsided…very heavy with “child games”…games geared towards a lesser mature audience…

You can not separate the ratings system from censorship…That is exactly what it is.

…and it is ridiculous, the sorts of tame things that our current culture “protects” kids from, these days…I weathered them quite well when I was a kid, myself.

It is offensive that censorship is even happening in this field…but even still more maddening, when you realize how vastly this has impacted on your own options, and enjoyment of the industry.

Censorship concerning human issues is useless…and it only creates problems…

I don’t pay so much attention to this industry today…largely because I’m disgusted with this trend, and I don’t see much out there, which is actually engaging.

In some sense, this is a trivial topic…I’m talking about “toys” after all…but they are a form of entertainment so saturated into our culture today, that they have become important as a social influence. On those grounds, I believe this is a worthy topic.

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To Victims: I Am Sorry (Narrated)…

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Date: March 10, 2008

This selection from “In Self Defense: The Life and Times of An Atheist BoyLover…Memoirs and Ethos”, has been narrated by Rocco White. Please enjoy the listen, or read along if you like…or need to.


I feel that I should say something, with respect to angry victims.

I know that there are legitimate victims out there…and I appreciate the gravity of what you have gone through.

I condemn true acts of violation against children, or anyone else.

…I also celebrate free association, and love without false boundaries…I celebrate being a human being, in it’s finest state…I celebrate sharing, teaching and living together in peace.

I celebrate the mind, the body and the pleasures of the human being, regardless of age…

I believe we are alive today…and so, today is the day to seize life…and live life to it’s fullest…because there may not be a tomorrow.

I believe we are all intrinsically sexual as a matter of our very being, and this is not something to be denied…It is something to enjoy, share and nurture.

Like hunger, our bodies naturally crave intimate, sexual touch and release…even at very young ages. I believe, neither this fact of nature, nor our biological needs stemming from it, should be ignored or denied.

I believe that we harm others, by imposing upon them a body stigma, and an inner shame over something so natural and basic as sex and sexuality…something which the human being (especially the young) is powerless to turn off…something which is inseparable from they, themselves.

I believe as a culture, we western civilizations have forgotten something so basic and primal, which many other cultures still understand…that children are sexual too, possessing sexual desires and drives…and that their transition into sexual activities is really quite natural and healthy…It is the most natural thing in the world, to take them into your bed, nurture and develop this aspect of their life…

It is neglectful and abusive not to.

…and we are seeing the fallout, which is inevitable wherever the young are raised to be cold, fearful and distant. They become distrusting, isolated…frustrated, hostile and angry…

The U.S. is the leading developed country, in which prison populations account for one percent of our society…

We have turned our collective back on love, support and closeness…and the sense of well being these things bring with them…

…and because of this, a growing number of our children don’t know how to love…don’t know how to get along in life…They have been neglected so badly, that we have set them up for failure in life.

Is “sex” going to fix all of this?…

…No, of course not…

…but one piece of the puzzle, exists in allowing our young to naturally develop, in a physically and emotionally loving environment…not weighing them down with psychological baggage, over things they cannot help (their inherent sexuality)…and in not only accepting, but embracing them as whole human beings…including their sexuality.

There is no time in a child’s life, where we can separate him from his sexuality, or the needs which come with it…and it is time we started appreciating, and respecting the gravity of this.

The “asexual child” is a myth…It is an artificial social conditioner…and it is a failed effort. The “asexual child” does not exist…

…Please stop treating everyone as though they do…

I know a lot of you are very deeply effected by experiences in your past…I know that many of you are emotionally invested…I know that many of you are very, very sensitive over this issue and issues of child protection…but I also know that a vast many of you are prone towards having a skewed outlook, clouded by your own past…and I know that most of you are only fed “child abuse” statistics from the abuse industry.

I can give you some forgiving allowance, because like most people…it is so hard for you to honestly understand this issue, when disinformation is being thrown at you from every direction, by the mainstream media.

…but, you are going to have to learn that there are more people on this planet, than just people who think specifically like “you”. There are people on earth, who value and love “unconventional” experiences, and this helps to complete their life, making it healthy and happy.

…Who are we to judge, when the primary participants are happy in living their lives like this?…

So long as it is not dangerous…and touching or sucking a boys penis is most emphatically not dangerous, nor is it particularly disturbing to a boy who has never been traumatized by stigma and prejudice…So long as the danger is not there…who are we to judge?…People should enjoy life, and live it to it’s fullest.

We should raise children to be competent, happy and healthy in their sexuality, right along with all other aspects of their life…To fail in this, is to rob them of something beautiful, replacing what should have been one of the best parts of life, with guilt, shame and an inability to accept themselves.

I do not advocate anything which even remotely resembles violence, or true abuse as it would be recognized by any culture not besieged by anti-sexual stigmas and self loathing.

What I advocate, is very easily embraced, by those who clearly understand it, and who are not easily mislead by cultural whims.

…but, you have to have the clear vision to see it for what it is…and the integrity to acknowledge and accept it for what it is…Otherwise, there is a critical divide between us…and we will never be able to trust each other.

Realistically, I don’t expect most of you to understand what I am doing here, or why I must do it. Maybe it is just best for “you”, if I tell you that these expressions are what I have been reduced to as a human being…They are all I have left, and now more than ever…”I” need them…

I don’t expect you to understand it beyond that point…I don’t expect “you” to be any critical part of the evolving child love movement, either…So, it’s not so important that “we” see things eye to eye. Everything will keep moving on…eventually, the future will come to us…and we will all die off.

Things will evolve regardless…and eventually, child lovers will cease being scapegoats. However, I am going to exercise my voice today, in hopes that we can all learn from this conflict, and avoid causing the suffering of future child love generations.

I have spoken to a few unsavory characteristics, which some people in the victim community engage in…But, my work is not intended to be an affront to “you” personally.

In so many ways, it largely does not even concern “you”, or people who have suffered abuse…as “abuse” and “child love” have become confused with one another, yet they are entirely different issues.

I am not a proper target for you, or any rage you may be feeling…nor am I an easy target…so, please just approach with respect, and if you cannot, then leave in peace.

I am absolutely sincere when I tell you how sorry I am to learn of your abuse, plus whatever sexual complications and bitterness resulted out of it…

…but kindly leave the rest of us human beings, who are proud, happy and content with OUR OWN sexuality out of it!

Don’t be jealous…Don’t be envious…Just be happy for us, that we could have this wonderful thing in our lives…

It is time to do away with the terrible things that happened to you…by promoting and supporting the involvement of everyone able, in fun, loving and kind behaviors.

Divert the negative, with the positive…

Lastly, understand that “I” do not owe you anything. I have paid a very high price, on several fronts and through all of my life, in order to still be standing here today, exercising my voice. I have done far more than most people, to pay for the right to speak my mind…I own this right, personally, because I am one of the people from whom this right originates.

You don’t have to like that, but you do have to respect it…and learn to live with it.

A lot of people have suffered and paid dearly…and they exist on every side of this stupid conflict…Know that I am one of countless many…

…and we never asked for this political shit…but since so many have decided to delegate us to this fate…there exists no right, to shelter from the backlash.

We are you!…We love children too!…Get used to it!!

“My kind” is not going away…So we might as well learn to co-exist.


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